Broken Heart

We've been telling the kids about the possible move. Possible because there are other possibilities: Finding a job with another company in FL, finding a job with the same company in FL or continue the super commute.

My daughter has a pretty good attitude regarding the move as long as we move somewhere where it snows during winter. She was so young when she left the northeast that she can't remember and would love to start having, once again, White Christmas.

My son, on the other hand... He is older and his memories are of leaving his friends behind. And he keeps asking me to stay. Telling me he doesn't want to do it again. Heart breaking, isn't it??!!

It took him two years to adjust. And now, another move. He keep wondering: when is it going to end?? Is it ever going to end?? As the sole parent handling this discussions I get really anxious, hoping for HR to have mercy and make a decision. I also can't help but wonder: Why don't this questions arise during the weekend, when his dad is around?? What is the right answer to give to my son?? What will benefit him the most - super commute or another move??

Decisions, decisions, decisions... It is that time of my life again...

Limbo

Once again we're at that time when things are getting decided and we have no control over what will be offered to us - I call it "Limbo". And, boy, it is not easy being in limbo. Even being like, the 10th time, I'm still not used to it. But this time I must admit I'm a little bit less anxious. 

The problem with being in limbo is that I have no idea where and when we'll end up next. I do have an idea but I'm not sure yet. And I also have no idea how long limbo will last.

Yes, we narrowed down our options - New York or Warsaw. Maybe Dubai or Tokyo. Not Athens or Sao Paulo, anymore. I also decided on my time frame to move - June or July because I won't take the kids out of school before the end of the school year. Of course, this can all change, although I really hope it doesn't. See, this is how limbo feels like: uncertainty, my world is upside down.

On top of all this, there will be the actual job offer. Will the job be good? Will the compensation be good? Will the career plan change? Will my husband be happy with the job? Questions, questions and more questions...

I'm already thinking of the logistic of the move, particularly, transporting our pets and finding a good school for the kids.

It is breaking my heart thinking that if we move to NY we will have to sell our home and move to a much smaller apartment or move to the suburbs where the commute will be around 45 minutes each way. But at least I'll be in or near NYC. And this is pretty good! I love NY! I just don't love the cost of living there. 

If we move to Warsaw we'll keep our home as a home base but I'll need to find someone to take care of it for us. This way I'll have sunny Florida to come back to mid winter, when it gets extremely cold over there. It will be nice to tour Europe with the kids. I'll also be close to some friends. So it won't be bad.

As you can tell I am not anxious - or so I claim - but my head  is spinning. For a control freak, like me, there is nothing worse than this phase we're in right now. The one thing I know for sure is that the move will be for the best. It always is - this is my mantra and I'm sticking with it! Time to wait...

Where to, now??

As I've mentioned before, my husbands term is coming to an end. Many people on his company want him to stay in Mexico but the company is going thru some changes and we feel that now it is time for him to find a different job so we can all live under the same roof again. Hubby is getting tired of traveling every week and our little girl has been begging him to spend more time at home.

After communicating our decision to the key people a few positions have been thrown out as possibilities. Staying in Florida is what we really want. There is a possibility for us to stay here but there are many other possibilities too.

So far they've mentioned New York - not bad-, Athens, Dubai, London, Warsaw and Tokyo. Why can't Sidney be on the list??? Or Paris??? And, to stir the pot a little bit more, there's another company after my hubby desperate to bring him back to Sao Paulo. 

No, I'm not moving back to Sao Paulo. Been there, done that. Plus, the wait list at the Graded is still huge.

I started doing some research on the other places and Tokyo is not an option for me at this time. I'm not leaving my pets in quarantine. If it wasn't for the pets I would love to move there.

So I got my work cut out for me in the next few days. Researching the places and trying to gather some important information. Schools, cost of living, what I'll need to live there, what I'll miss, etc...

The one thing I can count on is that these type of decisions usually take a long time to be made. This is a good thing so I don't need to worry about the kids changing school in the middle of the school year. It is nice to have time on my side for a change!

More Move Tips

I came across this link today and I thought it would be helpful. I try to cover this topic but there's so much to think about and so many things to do and think of that every little bit helps. I hope you enjoy it.

http://realestate.msn.com/10-worst-things-to-forget-before-a-major-move

Another Mission

This time I'm back from Brazil. I flew to Rio to give a presentation to a small group of expats. We talked about the move, their expectations, how to cope with all the new challenges, how to make things easier for the kids and lots of other issues.

I was shocked to find out how many wives had come across my blog. I never thought anyone would read it and now I'm realizing I've been touching other women just like me, with some of the same struggles and with the same will I have to make things work. 

Next month I'm going to New York to talk to another small group of women, 3 to be precise, who are considering wether or not an expat assignment is the best option for them and their families.

The hard part of my new oib is that at the end of the day the decision to move or not to move is a leap of faith. No one has control over the future. You'll never know beforehand if it's going to work or not. All we can do is to make a decision and hope for the best - and work to be happy while we're at it.

The best thing for me is that I've been meeting some amazing women! Women who just want to do what is best for their families. And I've been meeting some pretty awesome husbands too. Husbands who want to find a balance between career and family.

I'm also so lucky that my brother just moved to Florida and has been helping me with the kids while I travel. My plan is to stop traveling soon and start having small groups come to Florida for seminars. I can't wait to have the first group join me here! And for those who can't travel but still have many questions we can chat via skype.

Putting Out a Fire

I just got back from a huge mission in Mexico. I went there to help a family put together a "Super Commute" plan. Unfortunately things are not working so well for them. They were going thru everything I went thru and more. They've been there for a year and things went from bad to worse. By the way, I did got their permission for this post.The husband called me and asked me for a consultation.


We decided I should speak to his wife and take a good luck at the problem and come up with a solution. A few issues:

1.  They are on the verge of a divorce even tough they are still very much in love with one another;
2.  Their kids are miserable, having a hard time making friends, learning the language and adapting to the school. They are not doing good at the school there in spite of being Honor Roll students at their school here;
3.  The kids were excelling in sports but the lack of an organized league made they want to quit;
4.  The wife is always frustrated because she can never get anything done. The feeling of not accomplishing anything is just killing her;
5.  The language barrier has been very difficult to overcome.

That said, the husband couldn't be happier with his job in Mexico and with the possible outcomes after his term there is over. 

I told them how the super commute is working for us and gave them a few options of places to move to. Told them all the ups and downs and how this should only be a temporary solution. I also talked to them about how to communicate their decision to the company.

In the end I couldn't help but be sad. I did not have the same issues they did and seeing them go thru things that could be avoided was really tough. Plus, it is never easy to see a family falling apart. I really, really hope they heal, they find their fun, peace, joy and happiness back. They will have wonderful days ahead. As soon as they made up their mind and decided to put the plan in action they were much happier already. As if a big weight had been lifted of their backs. 

I wish them all the best in their new life with all my heart. Good Luck!!

The Super Commute Cost

The kids are on vacation and as usual I've been traveling with them and one of the trips we took was to Mexico City, for 5 days. And this time, I was there for work. I was invited to speak with a few HR Directors about the super commute.


Just like me, there are a few wives who are choosing not to move to Mexico City for many different reasons and HR Directors wanted my help guiding them thru this new reality. Here are a few points we discussed:

1.  Company Cost. It varies from company to company and the employee level. But the cost of the american school for 2 kids will offset the price of most flights to the United States. The company will save with the moving costs too - depending on the package which can include the costs to sell a house, it is not a bad deal for the company. 
2. Cost For The Employee. Not having to sell or rent the house, sell the car and fork out some of the costs that every move has is usually an attractive option for them. 
3. Location Matter. If an employee has to commute from a place where there are no daily flights and where the flight is more then 3 hours long I do not recommend this alternative in most cases.
4. Flexible Schedule.  The bosses have to understand the employees situation and accept the fact that sometimes he won't be in the office or attend some meetings because he will have to go home. And sometimes the employee won't be able to go home because of work and meetings. A balance need to be reached. Allowing the employee to work one day a week from home is a great compromise. If the job that needs to get done is done then there's no reason to worry.
5. Commitment From The Employee. He/she won't be able to call in sick every month. Understand that you've made an agreement with the company and that you're presence in the office is necessary. Changing the flight because there is a hurricane on the way is one thing but doing so because it's raining too much and you don't feel like driving to the airport is a no-no.
6. Jet Lag Effect. From our experience losing time going to Mexico works better than gaining time going to Mexico. In our experience it is a lot more tiring to fly from CA to Mexico City than it is to fly from TX or FL. The time of the flights also matter. 
7. Family Life. The kids won't become fluent in spanish but they also won't have to put up with the hardships of learning it. The family will keep their routine and it can be a good thing. There are some perks and some hardships on any move. Meeting the wives, knowing their needs and expectations is extremely important.
8. Health Plan. The companies will have to find a way to keep the employee enrolled on a helth plan in the US with the family and one in Mexico, for an emergency.
9. It Is Temporary. Always keep in mind that this deal won't last forever. 

We covered a lot more butI hope this help you with your considerations.

Update About The Schools

If you're moving to Sao Paulo, I highly recommend that you send your application to the Graded (www.graded.br/) as soon as you hear about the possibility of moving to Sao Paulo. Also apply to other schools, to be on the safe side.


There are many expats moving to Brazil right now and, even tough americans have priority on the wait list, the Graded is completely packed right now and the wait list is huge! I mean, HUGE! But don't hate Lisa, she is awesome and I know that if she could she would find a way to accommodate everybody. 


The other options:


There is the Chapel School (http://www.chapelschool.com/), a catholic school in Alto da Boa Vista. In my opinion is not as good as the Graded but it would be my second option.


Then there's PACA (http://www.paca.com.br/), a christian school. PACA was never an option for me. From what I've heard they are not accredited but still academically strong - the kids bring home lots of homework. 


Other then this, there are the British Schools:


St. Francis (http://www.stfrancis.com.br/) would be my first option out of the british schools. It is more low key than Saint Paul's and has more students who are native english speakers.


Last but not least, St. Paul's (http://www.stpauls.br/). This school has extremely rich brazilians as the vast majority of their students. Some are more equal than others there. The brazilians don't really mingle with the foreigners, plus parental involvement is discouraged. 


I wouldn't overlook the Swiss School (http://www.esbsp.com.br/). Actually, when we were about to move this was our third option. 


There are some bilingual schools. They are an option if your children speak portuguese or are young enough to learn it without impairing their learning.


As for the schools in Mexico, I still would rather not go there. Same old issues but more american parents and teachers complaining about it.


Good luck!!

TCK Video

I came across this video and just had to share it. When I asked my kids where's home they answered that they hope it will be here. Hope you enjoy it!  Where's home?

Schools Reviewed By Parents

Once again I need to recommend a website that I just found. It has parents reviews to many american and international schools around the world. Hope you enjoy it.

International Schools Review

Mea Culpa

It's been over a year since we started something that we thought would be our craziest idea ever, the super commute. And it's working so much better then we predicted. 


After my last visit to Mexico we both realized that we just wouldn't have been happier with me and the kids living there. I would be complaining about all the things you already know, would be frustrated and driving my husband crazy with all the drama because, let's face it, no husband can stand an unhappy wife complaining all the time. It would also not have been that easy on the kids. Here they are at a good school and practicing sports at a different level than what I've seen in Mexico City. My husband really enjoys going to the beach every weekend, breathing fresh air, not having to fight traffic. And the flights are not too bad at all. He spends less time flying then he would spend driving, so we end up spending more time with him. And quality time, which is more important.


So I need to make a mea culpa and say thank you to HR and the relocation company. Their F--k up was the best thing that happened to us. It wasn't easy to fix everything and to get to this point. But things are working out. It's not the ideal situation but we know it will end soon. We can't wait to be together again as a family, but in the mean time we're enjoying life as it is.

Repatriation

I've already talked about repatriation on my "Life After Expat" post. Once again I came across a great article that I felt like sharing with you.


Here is the link:

Global HR

Eternal Traveler Syndrome

I just read this 2 articles and felt the need to share it with you. One is in spanish and the other one is in english. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Raven.Org

Mutilingual Living

My "Happy Place" in Mexico City

On our second day there, the kids and I decided to take it easy and go to the Santa Fe Mall. They went to Kidzania, or Ciudad de Los Ninos. The driver stayed with them so I could go get my nails done at the Palacio de Hierro. They have a spa there. The spa wan't very nice, I was expecting a nicer place judging by all the nice boutiques they have inside the store, but the manicure did a good job. Palacio de Hierro tries to be the mexican version of Saks 5th Avenue. There is a Saks at the Santa Fe Mall, and that was my "happy place" during my Mexico stay. Just being somewhere familiar with my cup of starbucks latte made my day better. 


The kids had a great time at Kidzania. And having the driver there to translate for them was a good idea. On that day the place wasn't very crowded so they had enough time to do all the activities they wanted. Here are some pictures of Kidzania:

After the mall we went to the supermarket, Superama, to buy some food and water. if you, like me, loves salad, you're in trouble. The vegetables in Mexico City are not the best. During our whole stay I did not have a decent salad. The lettuce was always a little bit brown. So we bought bread, peanut butter, jelly, bagels, cream cheese, yogurt, things that we couldn't go wrong with.


We still did go out to eat. We went to Izote, a modern mexican restaurant in Polanco that was excellent! I had chicken with an almond mole that was delicious, the kids had the chicken without the mole and my husband had ceviche as an appetizer and another fish as his main course and he also enjoyed his meal. The deserts were very good too. It was really nice to end the day in such a high note.

The Basilica and the Pyramid

On our first day of vacation, we decided to go to the Pyramids. I always wanted to go there, but did not have time on the other trips. I also mentioned to the driver that I would like to go to the Virgin de Guadalupe Church and he suggested we went to see both on the same day since the "Basilica" is on the way to the pyramids. And so we did, the kids, the driver and I. it took about 40 minutes to get there.


The neighborhood where the churches are is a little rough. I say the churches because there are several churches at the same site. All of them have been home to the image of the Virgin. Well, we couldn't park at the churches parking lot because many streets were closed. We parked a few blocks away and had to walk thru a street market to get there. I did not feel very safe walking around with the kids and I won't bring them back if I have to return there. We visited 4 churches but decided not to climb the mountain. We had to save some energy for the pyramids. I thought we would see a statue of the virgin but all we saw was a painting. 


After visiting the churches we headed to the Pyramids. It took us about an hour to get there and the drive wasn't so bad. We decided not to hire a guide, I had studied some history before the trip to explain things to the kids and we wanted the freedom to go wherever and whenever we wanted to- the guides were charging 500 pesos to foreigners and 200 pesos to locals but you can negotiate the local price but they only spoke spanish.


The pyramids were impressive. We were told by a local that we had to climb them in a zig zag pattern not to upset the Gods. And so we did not to take any chances. We got to the top tired. The kids had to take a couple of breaks, but we were glad we climbed. Going down was much easier. We also visited the museum. Then it was time to have lunch and go back to Mexico City and try to avoid traffic.

Here are some more pictures:

I just got back From Mexico City

My husband had to work during Christmas week, so we decided to spend Christmas and New year in Mexico City. I'll be posting more pictures soon and I'll also let you know how I kept the kids and myself entertained for 2 weeks.