Trying To Understand NY

Another move within the U.S.. Easy, right?! No, it is sooooo hard to understand life in NY. And by NY I mean Manhattan, where we are focusing our house hunt. We are also looking in CT because my husband and kids - and I'm sure my pets would too if they could vote - would prefer to live in a house.

Well, unfortunately we can't afford a nice townhouse in the city, so first I had to learn the difference between condos and co-ops.  Our realtor was great at explaining. One thing I had no idea of is that the process to buy a co-op usually takes about 90 days because of the requirement of a board approval.  Then, I found out that we have to act very quickly if we want to buy something there. It is not rare for a place to receive multiple offers. The market is very hot right now and the inventory is extremely limited.  
Another thing to consider are the cost of a parking spot, if you are considering keeping a car and the maintenance cost for your building. The maintenance costs can be pretty steep so you need to find out exactly what it covers.

I thought I had everything figured out just to find out that understanding the school system is not that easy either. If you're going to send your kids to a private school you'll have to submit your application as early as possible to a few schools, get in line - most of the wait lists are huge! - and take your kids to a test. If you're going public there are a few things to consider.  The location does matter when it comes to selecting schools but it is not the only factor in determining what school your kids will end up at. And the determining facts change almost every year. So, there are no guarantees that my daughter will end up at the same middle school my son is going to.

I am going to NY and CT on Monday to start my home search and look at the schools. Wish me luck!!

e-Diplomat

I just came across this site and had to share the link. Te information is very helpful! Hope you enjoy it!

The first link is etiquette in Mexico and the second one is in Brazil. They have other pages to many other countries.

e-Diplomat Mexico


e-Diplomat Brazil

Super Commuter, Not!

I was recently hired by a couple to assess whether  they should move or opt for the super commute.

It is so funny how the exact same reasons why one decides to move are the same as another decides to commute.

There is no rule to help us make this kind of decision. Relocations always take people out of their comfort zone and no one can predict whether it is going to work out or not in so many different levels. In a sense, it is a leap of faith. Yes, there are many aspects that can make the transition easier but there are no guarantees.

You already know why my family decided not to go to Mexico and how well it worked out for us. The couple I was working with decided to move to Mexico. How could they not?! They are a young couple, she is not working anymore because they are trying to start a family and they are both fluent in spanish. This is a great opportunity for them to live an adventure, mature as a couple - they are going to live away from their family for the first time in their lives - and advance his career. They are now very committed to make things work and to take full advantage of this opportunity. It is also easier to commit to a relocation once you realize it is temporary and that it can - and will - be an amazing move. Knowing it will only be for 2 years helps take some of the pressure off. Not having kids also makes the relocation so much easier. I remember my time before having kids when all we thought about was pack and go have fun on our new adventure. We loved it. 

I wish F & S the best of luck on this new phase of their lives! They are a lovely couple and I'm sure they will be very happy. 

I love working with relocations, it opened a few new doors for me. It's funny because I loved being a corporate lawyer and never thought of doing anything else. Then my husband and I decided on our first relocation and my life was turned upside down. We had fun moving, I became a mom and dedicated my life to my family. Now my kids are older and don't need me that much anymore. We're moving to New York and we'll likely stay there for a while. And I really want  to start working again. Working with all these couples made me realize how much I love working on relationships. I come from a divorced family. Having a happy marriage and a happy family has always been my main goal. I live for it. I am also the confident of must of my friends and the one thy come to when they need relationship advice. So it is only natural that I decided to educate myself more on this subject. I am now on my way to become a Relationship Coach.  Wish me luck and let me know if you need any help.

Safety and Dogs

A question I get asked a lot is this: "Is it safe to walk your pets on the streets of Sao Paulo or Mexico City"?

Well, it depends on what neighborhood you live in and most important on what time you're going out to walk your dog. If you don't live in a gated community I would walk them no earlier than 7:30 am and no later than 6:30 pm. The darker it it and the less people on the streets there are, the more dangerous it is for you to walk your dog.

The safety in neighborhoods vary greatly. You should always ask your doorman, neighbors and friends if and when it is safe to walk your pet. Also ask them what is the best route to take and how far you should go. 

Always be alert and aware of your surroundings. And always bring a bag to pick-up after your dog.

Aging Pets and Relocation

This is a very sensitive subject to me. My pets are getting old. Recently I lost 2 of my cats. It has been very tough on us. We're all extremely sad and trying to cope with our losses. We feel very lucky we are here in the U.S. and we had enough help from our vets during this very difficult times. Having old pets is a huge reason for us not to consider any international relocation for a while. My dog is now 14 and my remaining cat is 12. How can anyone consider flying them in cargo?? 

We're flying my cat and the kids to New York as the cat can fly in cabin. We'll leave them with my sister-in-law for a week as we fly back to Florida and drive our dog to NY. He loves car rides and we already found dog friendly hotels to stay along the way. We will take our time to get to NY and do as much driving per day as our "old man" can handle. His well being is our main concern.

And what to do when they die? Here in the U.S. we had some options. I cremated both of my cats and I want their ashes to be with me when I get cremated. We could have chosen to bury them as well, but we wanted to have them with us. If you're overseas and disaster strikes, what are your options?

Every country has its own rules and you should discuss it with your vet when you have a chance. I know it is not easy to find a crematory in Brazil. And if I remember correctly there is only one pet cemetery in Sao Paulo. I didn't do my research while I was in Mexico City. I asked some friends who live in Mexico and they didn't have an answer either. So ask your new vet at your new country. Trust me, you will be too upset to ask any question when tragedy strikes. So prepare yourself as best as you can. When I come to think about it, there is just no way to prepare. It is way too painful to lose someone who always gave you unconditional love and shared your life with you. 

God bless our amazing pets.

Still Managing Life in 3 Countries

I finally got my tickets for my last trip to Mexico City to pack our apartment there. It will be in April. So now I'll only have to manage Brazil and the US for the next few months.

We got so lucky with our tenants in Brazil. They are amazing! We are so happy they are staying at our apartment for a few more months so I'll have time to close our Mexico chapter before I have to worry about renting or selling the apartment in Brazil. I wish they would stay longer, but it is time for them to move on and I wish them all the best from the bottom of my heart.

Regarding our US situation, we still don't have a moving date. I am not stressing over it because I love Florida and its winter. It's been cold here this week and cold over here is around 40o F. Not bad compared to what our next winter in the northeast will be like. I remember our last winter in Delaware, before we moved to Brazil, 6 years ago. It was so cold and so long. It only started to warm up at the end of may. I'm not looking forward to it... But then I think about the spring. The nice summer nights. And the leaves turning during fall... Oh, yes. I'm ready to move. And luckily Florida is only a skip and a hop away.

Worst or Best Thing Ever??

As we are getting ready to move again I'm starting to miss the Super Commuter life. When we decided to live as super commuters we didn't have much time to think it thru but I had enough time to think of all that could go wrong. 

I only knew one couple here in FL and they travel a lot. So if I had a serious emergency I might not have had anyone to help me out. Luckily, we had no serious emergency. I only had to rush to the hospital once because my daughter cut her finger and needed 10 stitches - I was able to handle it by myself - just barely.

What if my husband couldn't come home every weekend? He was more than constant with his traveling. Yes, he got tired but being able to work from home on Fridays and pick-up the kids from school made it all worth it for him. He only stayed there for 2 weekends. During a 2 1/2 year frame this is not bad. One time it was for work and another because the weather here was so bad I asked him not to fly. - it was a good idea because the airport closed before his normal flight landed and all the flights from Mexico landed in Dallas. He says the worse part of all this traveling was going thru passport control and all the other long lines at both airports. Flying to NY now is a breeze.

I also thought he could get a lover over there. No, he is not that kind of guy, but my experience is that they never are, until they do it. He did not. He kept busy at work and taking care of himself. He had to get his groceries and do his laundry. He had people cleaning his apartment and doing his dishes everyday. He worked out every morning. He studied a lot. The one thing he didn't do? He didn't go out with co-workers often. He was on a different schedule than everybody else. Mexicans have lunch around 2 pm. My american husband wakes up at 5:30 am so he needs his lunch at noon. So he was always at the cafeteria by himself. Drinks after work? Almost never. A few times he did go out for drinks but not often at all. This made me feel good, I can't deny it.

Not having enough time together was another concern. We didn't have quantity but we did have quality. We made the best of what we had. We have an amazing baby-sitter who comes in once a week so we can have a date. We went out to many different restaurants and some times we would just bring a picnic basket to the beach and enjoy the sunset. We really made the best of our time together. And he was also really involved in our kids lives. On Fridays he would always drive them to school, pick them up and take them to swim practice. He would take the kids to breakfast on Saturdays mornings and this became "their thing". Our family life has never been better.

So do I recommend the Super Commute? Absolutely! I thought it would be a disaster but it ended up being the best thing ever to us! When people ask me if they should do it I say yes, you should. You, your husband and your kids need to be committed to make it work. It wasn't easy at all but it was great. We will look back at it in the future and miss it a lot.

Renting Our Apartment in Sao Paulo, Again

When it rains, it pours, right??!! We are in the beginning of our moving process to NY. So far, I am waiting for my husband's company to schedule our look-and-see trip. Then I got the news that our tenants in Sao Paulo are getting transferred too. Oh, the expat life... Never a dull moment...

So we are thinking about selling or renting the apartment there. We have absolutely no plans of moving back to Brazil. Five years ago we thought the apartment was going to be a good investment, but now it is time to cash out and keep our investments home, in the US. The only thing making us keep the investment there is that we will be overtaxed to repatriate our money. Brazil really overtax everything!

Anyway, if anyone is interested in renting a beautiful apartment at Villaggio Panamby, let me know.

Here is the link to our place:


Villaggio Panamby 

Not Moving???

We got the job offer!! It is now official. We're moving to NY. So I told the kids the decision is now final just to hear my son tell in, in a very matter of fact way, "Mom, I am not moving!" Whaaaat??? Of course, it all happens on a Monday. No Dad in sight.

I asked him why not and he tells me that NY is not that far and Dad can keep on commuting. He likes Florida, his friends and, most of all, his swim team and the fact that it is January and he is still swimming outdoors. He had so many good reasons to stay I just couldn't argue. I really did not know what to say... It is harder for me to convince him to move because I would also love to stay. And he knows it.

A few minutes later I went back to him with a suggestion. Why don't we go to NY soon, during the week so he can visit a few schools and swim clubs in the areas we are considering moving to? This way he can pick his 3 favorite schools, swim clubs and neighborhoods. I told him I would focus on looking for houses in the areas he liked the most. He was pretty happy with the suggestion and immediately agreed to it. I also told him we will be going there a few times before we move. We may even go to a swim meet over there to see if he can make some friends before the move.

Digging a little deeper I found out that one of his issues is that we almost always move during summer. Therefore, when we move all the kids in the neighborhood are traveling or in camps. It is hard for them to make friends during this period of time and both my kids feel very lonely. If we can help them make friends before the move so they don't feel like complete strangers when we do move, it will be wonderful.

Growing up is not easy. Growing up relocating every 2 years must be really hard. But this time, the transition will be as smooth as possible. I'll do my best to make sure of it!!

2013

Happy New Year!!!!

2013 will be another year of changes. We will move, yet agin. No, we still don't have the final offer but my hubby will start working in NY by February 1st. I'm still getting used to the idea of the move but I'm less in denial now. It is a pattern to me, first comes denial, then acceptance. 2013, bring it on!! I know this will be a wonderful and crazy year!

May 2013 be a year that brings lots of love, light and joy to all of us!!

Broken Heart

We've been telling the kids about the possible move. Possible because there are other possibilities: Finding a job with another company in FL, finding a job with the same company in FL or continue the super commute.

My daughter has a pretty good attitude regarding the move as long as we move somewhere where it snows during winter. She was so young when she left the northeast that she can't remember and would love to start having, once again, White Christmas.

My son, on the other hand... He is older and his memories are of leaving his friends behind. And he keeps asking me to stay. Telling me he doesn't want to do it again. Heart breaking, isn't it??!!

It took him two years to adjust. And now, another move. He keep wondering: when is it going to end?? Is it ever going to end?? As the sole parent handling this discussions I get really anxious, hoping for HR to have mercy and make a decision. I also can't help but wonder: Why don't this questions arise during the weekend, when his dad is around?? What is the right answer to give to my son?? What will benefit him the most - super commute or another move??

Decisions, decisions, decisions... It is that time of my life again...

Limbo

Once again we're at that time when things are getting decided and we have no control over what will be offered to us - I call it "Limbo". And, boy, it is not easy being in limbo. Even being like, the 10th time, I'm still not used to it. But this time I must admit I'm a little bit less anxious. 

The problem with being in limbo is that I have no idea where and when we'll end up next. I do have an idea but I'm not sure yet. And I also have no idea how long limbo will last.

Yes, we narrowed down our options - New York or Warsaw. Maybe Dubai or Tokyo. Not Athens or Sao Paulo, anymore. I also decided on my time frame to move - June or July because I won't take the kids out of school before the end of the school year. Of course, this can all change, although I really hope it doesn't. See, this is how limbo feels like: uncertainty, my world is upside down.

On top of all this, there will be the actual job offer. Will the job be good? Will the compensation be good? Will the career plan change? Will my husband be happy with the job? Questions, questions and more questions...

I'm already thinking of the logistic of the move, particularly, transporting our pets and finding a good school for the kids.

It is breaking my heart thinking that if we move to NY we will have to sell our home and move to a much smaller apartment or move to the suburbs where the commute will be around 45 minutes each way. But at least I'll be in or near NYC. And this is pretty good! I love NY! I just don't love the cost of living there. 

If we move to Warsaw we'll keep our home as a home base but I'll need to find someone to take care of it for us. This way I'll have sunny Florida to come back to mid winter, when it gets extremely cold over there. It will be nice to tour Europe with the kids. I'll also be close to some friends. So it won't be bad.

As you can tell I am not anxious - or so I claim - but my head  is spinning. For a control freak, like me, there is nothing worse than this phase we're in right now. The one thing I know for sure is that the move will be for the best. It always is - this is my mantra and I'm sticking with it! Time to wait...

Where to, now??

As I've mentioned before, my husbands term is coming to an end. Many people on his company want him to stay in Mexico but the company is going thru some changes and we feel that now it is time for him to find a different job so we can all live under the same roof again. Hubby is getting tired of traveling every week and our little girl has been begging him to spend more time at home.

After communicating our decision to the key people a few positions have been thrown out as possibilities. Staying in Florida is what we really want. There is a possibility for us to stay here but there are many other possibilities too.

So far they've mentioned New York - not bad-, Athens, Dubai, London, Warsaw and Tokyo. Why can't Sidney be on the list??? Or Paris??? And, to stir the pot a little bit more, there's another company after my hubby desperate to bring him back to Sao Paulo. 

No, I'm not moving back to Sao Paulo. Been there, done that. Plus, the wait list at the Graded is still huge.

I started doing some research on the other places and Tokyo is not an option for me at this time. I'm not leaving my pets in quarantine. If it wasn't for the pets I would love to move there.

So I got my work cut out for me in the next few days. Researching the places and trying to gather some important information. Schools, cost of living, what I'll need to live there, what I'll miss, etc...

The one thing I can count on is that these type of decisions usually take a long time to be made. This is a good thing so I don't need to worry about the kids changing school in the middle of the school year. It is nice to have time on my side for a change!

More Move Tips

I came across this link today and I thought it would be helpful. I try to cover this topic but there's so much to think about and so many things to do and think of that every little bit helps. I hope you enjoy it.

http://realestate.msn.com/10-worst-things-to-forget-before-a-major-move

Another Mission

This time I'm back from Brazil. I flew to Rio to give a presentation to a small group of expats. We talked about the move, their expectations, how to cope with all the new challenges, how to make things easier for the kids and lots of other issues.

I was shocked to find out how many wives had come across my blog. I never thought anyone would read it and now I'm realizing I've been touching other women just like me, with some of the same struggles and with the same will I have to make things work. 

Next month I'm going to New York to talk to another small group of women, 3 to be precise, who are considering wether or not an expat assignment is the best option for them and their families.

The hard part of my new oib is that at the end of the day the decision to move or not to move is a leap of faith. No one has control over the future. You'll never know beforehand if it's going to work or not. All we can do is to make a decision and hope for the best - and work to be happy while we're at it.

The best thing for me is that I've been meeting some amazing women! Women who just want to do what is best for their families. And I've been meeting some pretty awesome husbands too. Husbands who want to find a balance between career and family.

I'm also so lucky that my brother just moved to Florida and has been helping me with the kids while I travel. My plan is to stop traveling soon and start having small groups come to Florida for seminars. I can't wait to have the first group join me here! And for those who can't travel but still have many questions we can chat via skype.

Putting Out a Fire

I just got back from a huge mission in Mexico. I went there to help a family put together a "Super Commute" plan. Unfortunately things are not working so well for them. They were going thru everything I went thru and more. They've been there for a year and things went from bad to worse. By the way, I did got their permission for this post.The husband called me and asked me for a consultation.


We decided I should speak to his wife and take a good luck at the problem and come up with a solution. A few issues:

1.  They are on the verge of a divorce even tough they are still very much in love with one another;
2.  Their kids are miserable, having a hard time making friends, learning the language and adapting to the school. They are not doing good at the school there in spite of being Honor Roll students at their school here;
3.  The kids were excelling in sports but the lack of an organized league made they want to quit;
4.  The wife is always frustrated because she can never get anything done. The feeling of not accomplishing anything is just killing her;
5.  The language barrier has been very difficult to overcome.

That said, the husband couldn't be happier with his job in Mexico and with the possible outcomes after his term there is over. 

I told them how the super commute is working for us and gave them a few options of places to move to. Told them all the ups and downs and how this should only be a temporary solution. I also talked to them about how to communicate their decision to the company.

In the end I couldn't help but be sad. I did not have the same issues they did and seeing them go thru things that could be avoided was really tough. Plus, it is never easy to see a family falling apart. I really, really hope they heal, they find their fun, peace, joy and happiness back. They will have wonderful days ahead. As soon as they made up their mind and decided to put the plan in action they were much happier already. As if a big weight had been lifted of their backs. 

I wish them all the best in their new life with all my heart. Good Luck!!

The Super Commute Cost

The kids are on vacation and as usual I've been traveling with them and one of the trips we took was to Mexico City, for 5 days. And this time, I was there for work. I was invited to speak with a few HR Directors about the super commute.


Just like me, there are a few wives who are choosing not to move to Mexico City for many different reasons and HR Directors wanted my help guiding them thru this new reality. Here are a few points we discussed:

1.  Company Cost. It varies from company to company and the employee level. But the cost of the american school for 2 kids will offset the price of most flights to the United States. The company will save with the moving costs too - depending on the package which can include the costs to sell a house, it is not a bad deal for the company. 
2. Cost For The Employee. Not having to sell or rent the house, sell the car and fork out some of the costs that every move has is usually an attractive option for them. 
3. Location Matter. If an employee has to commute from a place where there are no daily flights and where the flight is more then 3 hours long I do not recommend this alternative in most cases.
4. Flexible Schedule.  The bosses have to understand the employees situation and accept the fact that sometimes he won't be in the office or attend some meetings because he will have to go home. And sometimes the employee won't be able to go home because of work and meetings. A balance need to be reached. Allowing the employee to work one day a week from home is a great compromise. If the job that needs to get done is done then there's no reason to worry.
5. Commitment From The Employee. He/she won't be able to call in sick every month. Understand that you've made an agreement with the company and that you're presence in the office is necessary. Changing the flight because there is a hurricane on the way is one thing but doing so because it's raining too much and you don't feel like driving to the airport is a no-no.
6. Jet Lag Effect. From our experience losing time going to Mexico works better than gaining time going to Mexico. In our experience it is a lot more tiring to fly from CA to Mexico City than it is to fly from TX or FL. The time of the flights also matter. 
7. Family Life. The kids won't become fluent in spanish but they also won't have to put up with the hardships of learning it. The family will keep their routine and it can be a good thing. There are some perks and some hardships on any move. Meeting the wives, knowing their needs and expectations is extremely important.
8. Health Plan. The companies will have to find a way to keep the employee enrolled on a helth plan in the US with the family and one in Mexico, for an emergency.
9. It Is Temporary. Always keep in mind that this deal won't last forever. 

We covered a lot more butI hope this help you with your considerations.

Update About The Schools

If you're moving to Sao Paulo, I highly recommend that you send your application to the Graded (www.graded.br/) as soon as you hear about the possibility of moving to Sao Paulo. Also apply to other schools, to be on the safe side.


There are many expats moving to Brazil right now and, even tough americans have priority on the wait list, the Graded is completely packed right now and the wait list is huge! I mean, HUGE! But don't hate Lisa, she is awesome and I know that if she could she would find a way to accommodate everybody. 


The other options:


There is the Chapel School (http://www.chapelschool.com/), a catholic school in Alto da Boa Vista. In my opinion is not as good as the Graded but it would be my second option.


Then there's PACA (http://www.paca.com.br/), a christian school. PACA was never an option for me. From what I've heard they are not accredited but still academically strong - the kids bring home lots of homework. 


Other then this, there are the British Schools:


St. Francis (http://www.stfrancis.com.br/) would be my first option out of the british schools. It is more low key than Saint Paul's and has more students who are native english speakers.


Last but not least, St. Paul's (http://www.stpauls.br/). This school has extremely rich brazilians as the vast majority of their students. Some are more equal than others there. The brazilians don't really mingle with the foreigners, plus parental involvement is discouraged. 


I wouldn't overlook the Swiss School (http://www.esbsp.com.br/). Actually, when we were about to move this was our third option. 


There are some bilingual schools. They are an option if your children speak portuguese or are young enough to learn it without impairing their learning.


As for the schools in Mexico, I still would rather not go there. Same old issues but more american parents and teachers complaining about it.


Good luck!!

TCK Video

I came across this video and just had to share it. When I asked my kids where's home they answered that they hope it will be here. Hope you enjoy it!  Where's home?

Schools Reviewed By Parents

Once again I need to recommend a website that I just found. It has parents reviews to many american and international schools around the world. Hope you enjoy it.

International Schools Review