The Gossip

Not too long ago I was asked, by an expat who's on her first assignment, what to do when a person at school won't stop asking about her husband's career. Well, it's inevitable, where there's a lot of women, there's gossip. And it's no different if you're an expat. What to do on this situations? How to avoid these questions? And why some women ask these question?


I tried to avoid being caught in the gossip on the expat community and I  have to admit that it was very hard. For the longest time I avoided being caught in the gossip web, until a couple came along, moved to our development, and created lots of problems for a while. Then, people realized who the problem was and started to avoid the couple. The group stayed together and they had to stay by themselves at the pool and restaurant of the development. The lessons I've learned are here:


1) Avoid people who asks questions all the time. You will recognize the type. You will feel like you're being interrogated by the police every time you see this person. And she won't talk much about herself.


Don't be afraid to answer with evasive answers. You don't need to tell them anything. Tell them only what you feel like. And even better, ask them, with a smile on your face, why do they want to know it. This question will likely put an and to it.


2) It is very common for people to ask who your husband works for and what his job is and how long is his expat assignment for. But it's not ok to ask what his salary is, what his benefits are, if he has a corner office, etc. After you become friends you can talk about it, but not as soon as you meet someone.


There are lots of different levels of expats. GM and Ford, for instance, have expats ranging from entry level engineers all the way up to directors. Some companies only have higher level expats and some will hire foreigners as local employees with or without a hefty salary and/or bonus.


3) Beware of the women who are just trying to impress people with money. My experience is that they are just trying to keep up with the Jones'. They upgraded their lives during the assignment and have the need to show it - moved to a bigger house, bought a newer and bigger company car, hired a driver... 


We were always low profile. And I always preferred that people did not know much about by life and about my husband's job. It's nobody's business. We know who we are, our friends do to and we're comfortable in our skins. 


4) Do listen to your inner voice when you meet someone. You will get a feeling if the person is nice or not. Be sure that you'll meet some great people. And don't discard the locals. 


See, I told you it wouldn't be easy. But it's doable! Definitely, doable!