Globalization and Adaptation

I've been discussing a bit about globalization and how to adapt to a new culture, recently. Basically there are two point of views. One is to try to completely integrate and assimilate the new culture and the other is to mix two or more cultures as a way to adapt. 


Lots of times HR for multinational companies will have people coming to talk about how people should adapt to different cultures. They preach that you not only need to learn the language but also try to assimilate as much of the new culture as you possibly can. They say: when in Rome, do as the romans do. This way you'll be more effective and get everything done easier.




From a wife point of view, I beg to differ. I believe that we do need to learn the new language - for practical reasons and for having the chance to do so. But I loved learning different languages since I was a child. Learning the language of the country you chose to move to will make your life easier. And even tough I ended up not moving to Mexico I am now fluent in spanish. About assimilating the culture, there are certain aspects that you will have to assimilate and some that you don't. My family likes brazilian and mexican food, but we would still bring lots of maple syrup and cereal back home. We also had to adapt to the time concept - what's considered late here in not considered late in other places. Lunch and dinner times are also different. It is not a good or a bad thing. it's different. And if you want to have a social life you need to adapt. But I would keep some traditions, like celebrating halloween throwing a big party. I trust the dentists in the US better. I will not drink coffee at night. I can adapt and assimilate a bit, but I also need to keep my sense of self.


From a professional point of view, I don't agree when they tell expats to act as locals at work. To me this is a big mistake. First of all, they couldn't find a local to do that specific job. Hint bringing an expat to get the job done. Second, most companies who send expats abroad are american companies. So how about speaking english at the meetings until the expat has had the chance to learn the local language? Many times english is the official language of the companies but many people will refuse to speak english. Third, in places like Sao Paulo, for example, people would work until the wee hours. If you value your family time and  are used to work from 8 to 5, leaving at 6 is ok but leaving at 8 is unthinkable. How about holding more efficient meetings and saving time? Many times people on the local operations forget that they need to report to the home office. That the home office is the entity who allows them to exist and funds them. They don't call the shots, the home office does and also implement the changes. If the locals don't like it they should work for a local company.


As a dear friend once put it, he's not an exchange student. He's an expat who was relocated to get a job done. He needs to understand the country and how they operate so he can fix the problems and get the job the home office wants done, done. If he does things the way they were being done before there would be no need for him to have been sent there in the first place. So take the good out of the country and operation and discard the bad. There's always a lot of good. 

Expat Relationships

I have been a little neglectful with the blog. I haven't written in a while. In part because I've been busy - life is back to business as usual - and in part because I've been running out of ideas for topics. But this week I got a few e-mails that made me very concerned and feeling like bringing back this discussion here. 


Some wives have been asking me questions about how to deal with an abusive expat husband. This is such  a hard subject to discuss. Every case is different so it is very hard to give an advice. Plus, I am a firm believer that no one has the right to be abusive towards another human being - a wife, a child, a friend, an employee, it doesn't matter. And most of the times the abuse is psychological and not physical. And it can happen both ways too. Sometimes the wives are the ones abusing the husbands. And I am not a psychologist nor a marriage counselor. I did study family and divorce laws but I am a corporate lawyer.


For physical abuse I have only one advice. Get help! Go look for a lawyer. And then the police. Find out what the abuse and divorce laws are in the country you're in. Ask for help at the consulate. Talk to a psychologist or a marriage counselor. Talk to your parents, siblings or your best friend. No one should put up with this case of abuse. In my book, physical abuse in unacceptable. Period.


Regarding the emotional abuse, the most common complaints I've been getting are that the husband is less caring, or that he won't let the wife move back home or that the works and travels too much and stopped caring about the family's needs.


First, if he's less caring, find a baby sitter and go out for a nice dinner. Talk to him. LISTEN to him. See if it is because he's having a hard time at work and/or adapting to the culture. I've seen this happen quite a few times and you know men, most of them don't like to talk about these issues. It could also be your attitude that's bugging him, if you're being very negative. Or not. Maybe your marriage wasn't that good to begin with and taking on this challenge is bringing you apart. once again I suggest a psychologist or a marriage counselor visit. Don't give up! Try to work things out. Be supportive. 


Second, if you are thinking about moving back home you have to weight in the consequences. You need to figure out exactly why you want to move back. Why can't you suck it up for a while and stay? You may be damaging your husbands career if you demand that he leaves before his term is over. Can you do the super commute? Is your live going to be better living apart? Can you handle the distance and what comes with it? Are you going to be happier? I know a person who destroyed her husbands career by making him move back earlier. I talked about her before. Me, I decided not to move to Mexico because my husband and I did not want to compromise on the school for our kids. It wasn't an easy decision but we were on the same page. And we made this decision before the company spent a lot of money relocating us there. They spend the same amount of money to send us here then they would have spent to send us to Mexico. And we were up front about the school It did not come as a surprise for anyone. If you really want to give up and move back you may be jeopardizing your marriage. Once again, look for help. Talk to friends, family or a professional.


Third, your family moved and still you don't get to spend quality time because of the work schedule.  You can't see the benefits of moving if you're alone most of the time. Plus, is the travel schedule only for work or is your husband connecting the weekends to those trips to golf or fish for example?  Spending voluntary time alone, in my opinion, is a big red flag. Why would he want to do it? Who is he spending his time with? Once again, talk to a psychologist or counselor, a friend or family member. Someone you really trust. And a divorce attorney, just in case.


Fourth, your relationship isn't working because someone is cheating. Unfortunately this happens often. Once again, go get help. Lawyer, family and friends. An excellent lawyer, if I may say so.


I am a firm believer that everyone who moves overseas should learn what the divorce laws are in that country. As an attorney myself, I always live by: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! If you can, draw an agreement before you even move. My main concern is regarding the kids custody. Some countries have crazy laws about who gets to keep the children and visitation rights.And some have good laws protecting the wife in case the men cheat. So it doesn't hurt knowing what you're getting yourself into. 


I am also a firm believer in looking for help. Sometimes just venting things out to someone you trust and listening to them can be a huge help. And having and honest talk to your spouse afterwards can solve all the problems. You may be seen a problem where there's none. It could be that the whole relocation process is overwhelming.


If you really believe with all your heart that things aren't working out anymore and the situation won't get better or is unbearable, you should consider divorce.  You need to go after your happiness and the happiness of your children. But go prepared. Know exactly what you're getting yourself into. And also know that it won't be an easy decision or an easy path. But long term it can be the best one. Everybody is entitled to and should be happy. And sometimes finding happiness is not easy. Be true to yourself. It sounds cliche - and it is - but listen to your heart.


More than anything, I believe in love. And in long term relationships. I know it is not easy to achieve it. It takes lots of will, patience, tolerance, work, trust, courage... (feel free to add up to this list!) Don't give up on your relationship so easily. It is worth fighting for a happy marriage. Bring back some happiness, fun, fire  and excitement into your life. Get a family member or a friend to babysit and go for a second honeymoon or a weekend get-away only with your husband. Have the housekeeper stay overnight with the kids and spend a friday night at a hotel - make sure to order breakfast from room-service the next morning. If you're on a tighter budget send the kids to a sleepover, make a special diner, put on a new nightgown and turn your bedroom into a boudoir. Rekindle the romance. And after you take this first step, make sure to keep making time for each other. My husband and I had weekly lunches on Thursdays or Fridays. And a night out alone and one with friends. It brought us closer. Even now, with the super commute we always manage to find time for ourselves. We have lunch on Fridays. Don't give up!! There's nothing better and worth fighting for then to have a happy and united family!


 

Insurance Update

After months of waiting, the insurance company finally offered us a settlement.


They tried to tire us out and make us give up. But as I told you, I just did not give up. They asked us to fill many, many forms, asked for lots of pictures, had us search the internet for similar items and price them out and we also had to wait for the claims adjuster to come and access the damage before they made us an offer. And the underwriter kept asking for more and more. Eventually we just had to say enough is enough. We didn't hear back from them for a while.


Then, they had people come to fix some of the broken items, they dry-cleaned some clothes. They disappeared again.


Now they offered a cash settlement for our claim. it is not even close to what it would be to replace the items, but we took it. The last document, stating that we agree with the amount and to discharge them of any liability has been signed. Time to move on. 


Lessons learned:


1) We won't buy the Set Insurance anymore - it is a sham.


2) I'll have the moving company sales rep put in writing everything they say the insurance will cover - besides the insurance contract. There's a big difference between what they promise when they want you to sign the contract and the actual contract;


3) I won't sign the contract thru Willis anymore. I'll ask the moving company for other options and I'll also demand to know what is the insurance company the brokerage firm is using and get their contact information.


I'll be better prepared for next time. And I hope you will too.

Pied a Terre

Time to start planning your home leave. It is always good to buy the plane tickets way in advance so you can fly on the days you want. But do you still have a home to go back to? Yours or family?


In our case, we didn't. We got transferred to Brazil when the house market was crashing. We had also switched companies so if we moved back we would likely move to a different state. Then, my husband decided to put the house on the market and we ended up selling it for the asking price - how could we not sell? And I'm glad we sold it when we did. But we became homeless. We only realized it a year later that we had nowhere to go. It was liberating and frightening.


I lost my parents many years ago and my husband lost his father a few years back, right before our daughter was born. His parents were divorced and we had a closer relationship with his dad. I don't have their home to go to. Staying at my husband's  mother and step-father's home once was something a little awkward to all of us. The best thing to do is to stay at a hotel. We all feel more comfortable this way. Plus, we have the freedom to go to other places and tell friends and family that they can meet us there. We did it once and it was awesome! The whole family dynamics worked out much better.


Financially, you have lots of costs to consider. And if you can sell your house for the right price, then you will realize that even tough staying in a hotel for a month and a half is really expensive, it is still cheaper then the costs of keeping a home - mortgage, lawn/snow maintenance, tv, cable, phone, internet, power, water, propane... But if selling your house is not a good alternative, at least you know you'll have your home to go back to. And having a home is a very comforting feeling.


If we move again - and now it's looking more like a matter of when, not if - we'll keep our home. I'm at a point in my life that I just need a place to call home. I need a place for the kids to call home. Where they'll have friends. A place they'll look forward to come back to. That will be part of their identities. 


As you can see this is just another tough decision to make. And wether or not you'll keep your pied a terre is only up to you.

Stereotypes of Expat Wifes

Wow! I was reading some expat blogs and I am kind of shocked with what I found. I usually don't read other expat blogs but a friend suggested a couple of sites for me to read, and I did. There are some awesome sites, but there are some that portray a picture that couldn't be further from the truth. Expat wives have all the "fun"???


Really?? Do we?? Let me tell you one thing. I really think that all the blogs that portray expat wives lives as a sex-fest are a whole bunch of bull---- written by people with a big imagination and a complete lack of knowledge!! It's the work of romance writers, not of expats. Yes, I assume there are very few exceptions - I only heard of this stories, never met anyone in the expat community with this kind of life - but it is far from the norm! 


Seriously, what woman, in her normal state of mind, will manage to move to another country, and in the midst of trying to learn the language, get around in the new city, unpack, find new doctors, navigate the supermarket, get everything in the house working will have an affair?? "Mingle with the locals"?? Forget about it!! 


Yes, the vast majority of expat wives does have a sweet social life. Brunches, lunches, luncheons, happy hours, dinners, all different kind of socials and parties. And to be honest, this help keep us sane! This is where we meet new people with the same interest as us, it's where we make friends and it's where we can communicate and be understood. In general, expat wives live a pretty ordinary life. But I do understand why some people glamorize it. But glamorizing it is one thing. Assuming we are a bunch of horny mothers ready to prey on any local is another. We're not!  


The bottom line is: If you lived a nice social life at your home country, you'll do the same as an expat. If you're more reclusive, you will keep living a reclusive life and if you're a slut, you'll still be one overseas.  You won't change who you are because of your location. Also, assuming we have a "secret" life is a huge mistake! Those who do will be very disappointed.

The Gossip

Not too long ago I was asked, by an expat who's on her first assignment, what to do when a person at school won't stop asking about her husband's career. Well, it's inevitable, where there's a lot of women, there's gossip. And it's no different if you're an expat. What to do on this situations? How to avoid these questions? And why some women ask these question?


I tried to avoid being caught in the gossip on the expat community and I  have to admit that it was very hard. For the longest time I avoided being caught in the gossip web, until a couple came along, moved to our development, and created lots of problems for a while. Then, people realized who the problem was and started to avoid the couple. The group stayed together and they had to stay by themselves at the pool and restaurant of the development. The lessons I've learned are here:


1) Avoid people who asks questions all the time. You will recognize the type. You will feel like you're being interrogated by the police every time you see this person. And she won't talk much about herself.


Don't be afraid to answer with evasive answers. You don't need to tell them anything. Tell them only what you feel like. And even better, ask them, with a smile on your face, why do they want to know it. This question will likely put an and to it.


2) It is very common for people to ask who your husband works for and what his job is and how long is his expat assignment for. But it's not ok to ask what his salary is, what his benefits are, if he has a corner office, etc. After you become friends you can talk about it, but not as soon as you meet someone.


There are lots of different levels of expats. GM and Ford, for instance, have expats ranging from entry level engineers all the way up to directors. Some companies only have higher level expats and some will hire foreigners as local employees with or without a hefty salary and/or bonus.


3) Beware of the women who are just trying to impress people with money. My experience is that they are just trying to keep up with the Jones'. They upgraded their lives during the assignment and have the need to show it - moved to a bigger house, bought a newer and bigger company car, hired a driver... 


We were always low profile. And I always preferred that people did not know much about by life and about my husband's job. It's nobody's business. We know who we are, our friends do to and we're comfortable in our skins. 


4) Do listen to your inner voice when you meet someone. You will get a feeling if the person is nice or not. Be sure that you'll meet some great people. And don't discard the locals. 


See, I told you it wouldn't be easy. But it's doable! Definitely, doable!

Who's Ready for an Expat Assignment?

I was talking to a couple of HR directors the other day and their biggest concern was: How do we know when someone is ready to take an expat assignment?


First they need to understand that there are different levels of expats, with different costs, marital status, expectations and will. It is very different to assign a single person to an expat spot then it is to a family. 


When you're young and single an expat assignment is not only an opportunity to advance your career but also to live an adventure and save some money. You'll learn a different language and culture. This looks good in any resume. It also shows that you're adaptable. And on the personal side it can be lots of fun. Meet new people, new places... All while you have many expenses paid for by the company - like housing, car and a home leave. Not bad if you're starting your career. 


So I told the HR Directors that they need to look for people who are fun, easy to get along, adaptable, adventurous and most of all, who show the will to take a challenging job.  Many times the candidates will share his will to move abroad with their superiors. I told them they just need to trust that this person will be the right one for the job that's being assigned for him/her.


But if we're talking about an expat candidate with a family there's a lot more to be considered. I think that most of the times the families are overlooked by HR's. For all the reasons I posted on my previous posts I think it takes a lot more than finding the right person to get a particular job done. Knowing if the family will be supportive and give this employee peace of mind to perform the job is a very important task. I am a firm believer that HR underestimates the power of a family behind the performance of their employees.  The cost of living is also different for families. Most of the times it is a lot more expensive for the families to live abroad then it is in their countries. This can cause some marital problems. And instead of one person having fun there is a whole family trying to adapt to a new country. The term of the assignment is also a big factor. For some families 2 years is ideal and for some other 3 years is better. I made a few suggestions to the HR Directors but the truth is that you will only know if you made the right decision in sending an employee abroad after the fact. But you can definitely increase the odds of making it work.

Learning disabilities and Expats

If you are one of my readers you probably noticed all the mistakes I make when I'm writing. There's a reason for it. It's called dyslexia. I am dyslexic. I can't tell left from right, forget about north, south east and west. When I read I skip the articles and most of the times, if one of the sentences doesn't make sense I have to read it again to understand it. Welcome to the dyslexic life.


Dyslexia is only one among lots of other learning disabilities, and when I was young it was one of the few that had a name. Now we have lots of different spectrum of autism, of ADHD and other disabilities.


I was diagnosed because my uncle is a pediatric neurologist. And back then, I'm talking about 30 years ago, there was not much of a treatment, so I was my uncle's guinea pig.  At the same time of my diagnostic, my mom have had a brain aneurism. After 32 days in coma, she woke up with very limited memory. So my uncle made us play the memory game together all the time. I can't tell you to turn left or right if we're driving together, but I have a great sense of direction because I can memorize where things are. And this good memory is what got me thru high school and law school. Dyslexic people can learn everything other people learn, only in a different way.


Why am I telling you all this? It is because if you're moving overseas with a child with learning disabilities you need to learn how and where to get help. We can overcome our issues, but we need help and understanding.


If you're in Sao Paulo, Albert Einstein Hospital has a great diagnostic center to help you find out exactly what the problem is. The Graded School is very good for kids with disabilities. Any kind of disability - learning or physical. They have an Optimal Learning Center to help children with learning issues - reading, math. The OLC has improved on the past couple of years. There's also help outside the school. You can work with Dr. Wendy Smith. She has a PHD in Education and applies different methods on the treatments of kids, usually it starts with an intervention. She's amazing! She's not cheap, but her work is worth every penny. You will see a quick improvement on your child's learning within a couple of weeks. 


I still haven't explored much of this issue in Mexico. I know ASF has a Service for Academic Success -SAS - but from what I know they prefer holding the kids back a year rather than working with the learning disabilities. This would never be an option to me, given that their curriculum is already behind the curriculum of schools in the US. When I asked questions about SAS they told me that they don't have enough teachers there to care for all the children in need. Plus they charge parents extra for this service. At the Graded it is free. One of my husband's co-workers has a child with ADHD enrolled at ASF. I know he is extremely frustrated with the school. So frustrated he decided to move back to the US. He doesn't feel like the school was being fair to them and to their child. It was not giving them enough support to find a solution. What they were proposing was for them to pay an aid to stay with the child during the school hours. The child is already enrolled on SAS. This child is still in one of the early kindergarten years. It is not the kind of support I would expect from an american school overseas. ASF also refused to give a spot to another expat whose child has dyslexia. Maybe this is one of the reasons why they're not fully accredited - but who knows? They won't tell the real reason. I would love to know the real reason. 


As you can tell, this cause is dear to my heart. 


Just wanted to give you something to consider...

Being an Expat Husband

Well, talk about a difficult situation. It is not easy to be the wife of an expat but it is even harder to be the husband of an expat. I have a good friend in this situation and I know how things changed for him.


First it was the decision to give up advancing his career for an undetermined period of time to advance his wife's. They worked for the same company, in different departments, but the company could not find him a job overseas. Not only he had to give up his career, he also had to give up his role as bread-earner. It is harder than it seems to make a decision like this. The first difficult decision lead him to become a stay at home dad. 


This leads us to the second difficult decision, which was to become a hands on dad. It was a huge change for him, going from being the fun dad to becoming the disciplinary one. He had to learn how to organize the children's lives and routines. Not an easy task. And adding to this, take care of the house. And be the driver. Do the grocery shopping. Schedule play dates. This list goes on and on.


The third difficulty was to make friends. The easiest place to make friends is at the kids school, but if you're the only guy hanging out there it is not easy. Lots of people will look down on you and wonder what kind of man you are. There were so many people asking questions about my friend, that it was ridiculous. People were easy to judge without knowing the whole story. They assumed he was a sugar daddy, which couldn't be further from the truth. People assumed lots of other things. It took a year for people to understand what was going on and embrace the situation.


The fourth challenge was to start making friends with other woman. Your wife can, may, will get jealous. And so will the friends' husbands. It did not happen in our case because we were part of a big group. Six couples, to be precise. The great thing about our group was that all the husbands and all the wives were friends. And so were the kids. And since we were so close we all knew that there was nothing going on, that some lines would not -and did not - get crossed. This was key. But it is so hard to happen this way.


My husband says he would love for me to get an expat job so he could be a stay at home dad. He says it would be a great thing to take a sabbatical. We have another friend who thinks it is emasculating. I, personally, think it is very empowering to a man. Giving up control is no easy task, specially for men. So I think it takes a man with a great personality to do it. Kudos to all the guys out there in this situation. I have a great deal of respect for you.

Enjoying Mexico City

I have to admit that now, that I don't have the pressure of moving to Mexico City and find a school for the kids, I am enjoying Mexico City a lot!


We just spent a couple of weeks there and had a great time. Yes, as you can tell the internet there is still a problem. The management from the flat "fixed" the problem and now we do have internet connection. In the bathroom. Only in the bathroom! My husband is trying to work on it and buy a router or something that he can plug a USB cable in so next time I'm there I'll have internet connection in the rest of our 1 bedroom flat. But it's ok. Knowing that I can come home and not have to deal with it on a daily basis makes me happy and able to enjoy my time there.


I took the kids to the Chapultepec park and we had a great time. Ciudad de los Ninos is also a big hit. A few day trips to the ruins and to a friend's house. We visited the Virgen de Guadalupe Church. We had the best time! And the food... Now that my husband knows the city a little bit better, he took us to some good local restaurants for real mexican food. My new favorite restaurant is Villa Maria, in Polancos. Not only the food is great but the margaritas are out of this world. It is close to our flat, so I can walk there, and the atmosphere is nice. Some days they even have the mariachis playing. And the staff is so nice to the kids! 


I am still avoiding to drive in Mexico City as much as I can. And so is my husband. Polancos is working out for us. We only have to drive to go to the supermarket or the mall, and we have a driver to take us there. For everything else we walk. The driver doesn't really like it, but hey...


I think I can live this crazy life for another year. It's not easy, but now I am feeling like I'm getting the best of both worlds.  Then we'll see what will happen next!

My Decision is Made

After spending some more time in Mexico on vacation and visiting the schools again I made up my mind and made a decision.


It wasn't an easy decision. We meet with some parents who have kids in both schools and we talked to the admissions people. Lots of questions were answered, some were not and we weren't too convinced by some of the answers.


I brought the school work my kids are doing here and compared with what's being done there. They are waaaaay behind what's being taught at the kids current school. And I mean way behind. Ok, in math they are just behind, but reading and spelling... Wow! It is scary.


Yes, I know it is only elementary school. Yes, I know they will be learning another language. An yes, I know they will be focusing on some other skills that the schools in the US won't focus on. But still. We will have to come back. And learning how to read and write properly at this age will help them out a lot.


I, myself, am a product of international schools. And if you've read a few posts you can tell that my writing is not the best. So maybe I am trying to compensate.  Who knows?


As you can see, we decided to keep doing the super commute. And if the schools were not enough reason the fact that my husband doesn't have a proper internet connection since March / April added a little bit to it. I even joked with the people from the flat saying that if they can't fix it "ahorita" they need to get it fixed within 2 weeks because this is when I am going back. We'll see.


And the icing on the cake is that we're living in Florida. Yes, it is hot as hell in here now. And the humidity is just awful. But we have the beach. And the pool. And no pollution. The traffic is not that bad either. The flights don't bother us. And our neighbor loves our pets and take my dog to his home and comes to see the cats everyday when we leave on the weekends.


And honestly, I am enjoying Mexico so much more as a tourist then I think I would as a resident. And so are the kids. We still have two more years of this craziness. Then we will likely have to move elsewhere.   So let me enjoy being back to the US while I can.

The Airports

Leaving Sao Paulo was not easy, we did have our share of problems at the airport regarding the documents, but most of the times we travel back and forth from Brazil we had no problems at the airport. Our bags would be out in a timely manner and at immigration they did not care about us bringing cereal and maple syrup. Sometimes the immigration lines would be big, but it moved. And you don't have to pay to use the carts there. It wasn't that bad. But how does the other airports compare?


We travelled a lot throughout the US and Miami International Airport can't hold a candle to most airports we've been to. The Sao Paulo airport is not as modern Miami International, and it says a lot. And the airport in Mexico City is even less modern then both airports.


If you have luggage, landing in Mexico City is a nightmare. You'll have to wait for about an hour in front of the conveyor belt for your suitcase. And this is why: taking the bags out of the plane is a big operation. The police has to escort the suitcases. Once the plane lands the police has to go to it and wait for the bags to unload. Then they escort the luggage to the baggage claim where the dogs have to sniff them for drugs. After all this they will start loading the conveyor belts and you can go. The problem is that they don't have that many police cars, police officers or dogs. It is a nightmare. The best thing is to just have a carry-on and avoid all this trouble. So don't forget to pack lots of patience next time you travel.

How and Where to Make Friends

I was talking to a recently divorced friend and this subject came up. It is easy for us, moms, to make friends. We have play dates, school,  kids activities... It all leads us to other moms in the same situation then us, so we have a bond. But what if you're following your spouse? What if you don't have a job and you don't have kids?


It is a lot more difficult! You'll be lonely most of the time in the beginning. You won't have an instant bond with a group of peers that can speak your language. You can meet some people at the gym or in your neighborhood, but in my experience it is a lot harder to go thru a relocation as a couple then it is as a family.


Most of the time the locals already have their families and friends. In latin countries there will be the "nice to meet you, I'll call you", but they never call. It is not that they don't intend to or they don't like you, it is just that they're busy. It's not personal.  Go ahead and call them yourself. Make an effort to make new friends. Invite people over for diner or to go out for lunch.


You can get involved in volunteer work, newcomers clubs, join a gym, take some classes. But do something. Try to interact. Avoid being lonely. Don't get depressed. Tag along with the moms. And moms, make sure to include your new friends without kids on your activities. Invite them over for lunch. Or to go to a happy hour if you have a babysitter.


And go out with your spouse. Take nice trips, go to bars and nightclubs. Enjoy yourself. Find out where the cool places are and go there. You will end up meeting some interesting people. Go to the best hairstylist in town, they'll let you know where the best spots are. It will be money well spent. Enjoy life without kids. You won't regret it!

My Son's Idea of a Birthday Celebration

My son just turned 10. We were talking about organizing his birthday party when he asked me:


- "Mom, can I have a barbecue with brigadeiro cake and a pinata?"


Gotta love this Third Culture Kids!! 

Traffic and the Cities

This week I have a couple of great friends from New Zealand visiting. They are moving back home  after their term in Brazil. As we were driving around we couldn't help and compare the traffic between here, Sao Paulo, Mexico City and Auckland. And what a difference. Where would you guess the best place to drive is?


According to my friends, and I have to agree, Florida is the best place to drive. Let's start with  number of lanes on the roads and the way the roads were planned. Only in America. In Auckland as here in Florida, the roads are well kept. No potholes. In Auckland, if they had craters the same size of the ones they have in Mexico City and Sao Paulo people would sue the government and win. There are some aggressive drivers there. The reason is that people are not used to heavy traffic and not tolerant of people causing it. In Florida there's the occasional person trying to cut the lane, but not that many. So Auckland comes in number two.


Now it is very hard to make a call for number 3 and 4, so I have to call it a tie. On one side we have small motorcycles everywhere who thing they own the roads and aggressive drivers. But if you put your blinkers on people will let you turn or switch lanes. This is Sao Paulo For you. In Mexico you have aggressive driver who will be fighting you tooth and nail all the time and who disregard every traffic rule there is.   


We even brought New York in the conversation. I must admit that New York traffic is mild compared to Mexico City and Sao Paulo. And I think this pretty much rest my case. I would love to know your opinion on this matter.

New Lives

We rented our apartment to a nice american family. This will be their first relocation and they're really excited about the move. But for some reason I can not stop bugging them. I e-mail her everyday with a list of things she should put on her container. Some times I can't help but wonder: When is she going to tell me to stop?


The list is long. It goes from baby diapers and tampons all the way up to food. Then I have a list of doctors and dentists. A good, reliable driver. Restaurants nearby. The pizza delivery place. Hairstylist. Manicure.... The list is long.


I also sent her the phone number of a few friends who live in the same gated community who can help her out.


In a way I feel like I am giving her all the information I wish I had before I moved. Things that can make her life easier. And friends she can rely on. All expats, who understand what she'll be going thru.


As for me, I am having a hard time making friends. I have been very reclusive. And usually I am very outgoing. One of my friends told me that it is because I am not over having had to say goodbye to most of my friends. And I think she's right. On top of that there's the perspective of a new assignment. So why bother make new friends if I am going to have to say goodbye to them soon, right? I've been staying in touch with my old friends though. We had a few friends visiting us already and starting Sunday I'll have guests every week until the end of July. The kids couldn't be more excited. I'll have my work cut out for me and I'll have to take daily trips to the mall, but I am very happy. And hopefully, by the time they leave I'll be ready to make some new friends. I need to change my mind set and realize that with the new friends, just like with the old ones it won't be goodbye, it will be an "auf wiedersehen".

Settling Down

Things are not as hectic as they used to be. There's a lot less to worry about. A few things still don't work in Mexico, like the internet, but we're learning to adapt. So today I was thinking about the whole process and how it started about a year ago.  It seems to me like everything that could go wrong on this move did go wrong. But it was great!  Why? Because I started this blog.


The reason why I started to write about all I've been thru is to help people avoid making the same mistakes I made. To help people have a smooth transition. I did not have it easy this time. And here  I could vent.  I can talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. There were lots of good things coming out of this move and there were some very frustrating times too. Good and bad experiences. In the end I was actually hoping for things to go wrong so I could learn the ins and outs and post on the blog. But, boy, I am relieved things are under control now. At least for now...

The Volcano

The Popocatepetl Volcano, near Mexico City, blasted ashes on Friday, June 6th. It caused some flight delays because it spew dark clouds up to 2 miles into the sky.  Today, Sunday some flights were delayed, but not for very long. There was a little turbulence near Mexico City. But other than that everything seems normal and under control. No need to worry right now. Isn't it amazing how many volcano activities we've been having recently? Iceland, Indonesia, Japan, Guatemala, Mexico City, Chile... Hopefully the volcanoes will calm down and not erupt. We can definitely take a break from natural disasters.


Update: It seems like the volcano calmed down. No clouds were seen in the sky from Polancos, Mexico City, today. Thank God!

One Less Thing To Worry About

So our apartment in Sao Paulo has been rented. Managing life in 3 countries will be a little bit easier now. Before we still had to pay condo fees, taxes, water, power and gas bills. It wasn't easy. But it's getting better. So what do I have left?


We are still trying to get internet connection at our flat in Mexico. At the same time we moved into our home in Florida my husband moved to a new flat in Mexico. It is much closer to his work. The previous place was in Santa Fe. The new one is in Polancos. Huge difference on the traffic. The first place was the Haus Suites. It is dog friendly, the apartments were nice, the staff was friendly - although most people couldn't speak english - and we did have internet connection. The only problem was the distance from work. With all the traffic and with the dog in Florida we thought moving would be a good idea.


The new flat is nice, new, modern, walking distance to work and only offers wireless internet connection. But it does not work! We moved to 2 different apartments but still nothing. The connection is slow and is always breaking.  And they don't care! We keep hearing that they will fix the problem "ahorita", so you know what it means, it will never get fixed. Now we're looking for a new place to move to. 


Life back in the US is pretty sweet. And not having to worry about Brazil will make my life a lot easier. But hurricane season is starting and we'll see how it goes. My evacuation plan is Mexico City. With the pets.  let's see how it goes... 

Kids and Their Friends

More and more I think our decision to move to Florida was the right one. Particularly in regards to our kids. Taking 2 international assignments in a row to  countries where they don't speak the language would have been too much for them. They are still grieving their friends, they still talk about Brazil often, their favorite restaurant is a brazilian steakhouse where they can eat picanha with rice and beans. They like Mexico a lot, but they do not want to move there. To them Mexico is where Daddy works and where we travel for fun weekends. 


But now vacation is coming and I thought the kids would like to go to Mexico to spend some extra time with daddy. Boy, was I wrong. They want to stay here or travel to Orlando to meet their friends from Brazil. They've already scheduled 6 play dates with friends from the Graded who are coming to Florida for their summer vacation. They even made a calendar and are counting the days to see their friends.


I haven't seen my kids this happy since the move. Making new friends and meeting the old ones somehow is making them feel like they belong here. They are becoming americans again, creating roots. They are finally realizing that no matter where we end up moving to we can and will stay in touch with friends. And they know that this is home. Even if we have to move again in a couple of years...

Looking for a Place to Rent in Sao Paulo?

Well, if you're looking to rent an apartment in Sao Paulo, in a gated community near the Graded School, let me know. I may have the right place for you! 


UPDATE: I removed the link because my apartment was rented.

Third Culture Kids

As I've mentioned before,  there is a term to describe kids like mine, expats. They are called Third Culture Kids, or TCK's.  I just came across a very interesting page today.http://wanjennifer.tripod.com/


If you are an expat or thinking about becoming one you should read about TCK's. It will help you better understand what your child is going thru or will go thru.


I also recommend:


www.tckis.com


www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c21995.htm


Enjoy your reading.

Moving Insurance

You will have to get insurance for your move whether you want it or not.  It is part of the moving contract and I don't know of any moving company who will ship your belongings overseas without the proper insurance. The insurance is ridiculously expensive, but trust me, you want it because you will need it.


You will probably be offered a basic insurance, that will cover damages and then you will be offered 3 different upgrades:


1) Insurance for your sets;
2) Insurance for mold;
3) Insurance for electronics malfunctioning;


I did not get the third upgrade. I figured I am moving back to the US and I can take a chance on my tv's and computers. And luckily everything is still working fine.


Insurance for mold damage is an absolute must. You don't know how long your container will be at sea and even if you use a dehumidifier, if your things stay in the container long enough they will smell. All of my clothes, pillows, cushions and mattresses smelled like mold. Some were ok after being washed and in the sun for a while but the pillows and cushions are a lost cause. And if you or someone on your family have asthma, this can be dangerous. 


The set insurance, as I am learning, is a complete rip off. The moving company told me that if a piece of the insured set was damaged the insurance company would pay for the whole set to be replaced. This is not true, as I am finding out. The insurance company will pay the value of the pieces to replace the set. Well, isn't it the same as just the regular insurance? So why do we have to pay extra for this? 


I had lots of damages during this trip. And this time I decided, for the first time to file a claim. And it hasn't been easy. It seems like the insurance company wants you to just give up. But I am committed this time. I won't give up! The crystal glasses that belong to my Great Grandmother were broken. Some gifts from my grandfather and from my mother-in-law were broken too. The movers took my refrigerator apart in 10 pieces and, of course, it is broken now. Just to name a few...


So to make things easier you will need to do this:


1) Make a list of ALL your belongings. Go room by room and list every item. Ask the moving company for the appropriate sheet in advance so you can have enough time to get this done;


2) List all those items in the insurance list and make sure the values you put in are accurate;


3) Take pictures of the family heirlooms and other expensive or irreplaceable items;


4) Tell the moving company to pack and unpack every single box. Watch closely when the movers are unpacking crystals, china and other valuables. Make sure to put on the delivery report all the damages you find;


5) Have someone from the relocation company help you on the day of the move to make sure everything goes smooth and that you can communicate with the movers;


6) Submit the claim as quickly as you can providing all the documentation along with it to expedite the process.


After submitting the claim, you will have to go on-line and find similar items to the ones that got damaged or broken and send a link to the insurance company. If any of the items is valued over 200 dollars the underwriters are going to make your life tough and ask for other documents. Then, you will be contacted by an adjuster who will set up an appointment for a person to come access the damge. He will see what can be fixed and what can't. After all this, they will start taking their time. They have 90 days per contract to act on your claim, but they will try to let you forget about it. Don't.  Keep sending them e-mails to make sure your claim is being processed. After all this they will try to settle the claim and submit you an offer. I haven't gotten there yet. But good luck with your claim.

And I would avoid using Willis as your insurer if I were you. Other companies will process your claim faster, approve the repairs immediately and  will not nickel and dime you.

So, what's next??

I haven't posted in a while. I had family over at our new home and I went to Mexico for a week. And no offense to Mexicans, but boy, so far I am glad I did not move there. I think I would spend most of my time extremely frustrated. I had my frustrations in Brazil and in the U.S. too, but nothing seems to work when I'm in Mexico. I can't communicate and then, of course, nothing gets done. I feel incapable of getting thing I take for granted done. And now  it's about time for us to make a decision about where we want to live and we really don't know what to do. We always ask ourselves the same question over and over: What will be the best for our family?


So far the super commute is working fine. But we still haven't been thru a hurricane season with all the flights delays and cancellations.


In Brazil I was frustrated and would complain a lot about how to get things done for the entire first year of the relocation. The same happens every time I visit Mexico. And it upsets my husband. And when I'm in Florida I'm happy. For whatever reason I deal with the frustrations better over here. My husband loves to come home and find all of us happy. Even if for this he has to fly for 3 yours each way. if we're happy, he's happy. If i start complaining about everything all the time it will created problems in our marriage.


And changing schools again... Sending the kids to a school that I believe to be not up to my standards is taking my sleep away.  But if we're going to do it, I need to submit the application now. Finding new doctors, dentists... And I wasn't impressed with the hospital either. In a way Sao Paulo kind of spoiled me.


Having the kids learn a new language, make new friends and put up with a lot of stress related to a move again. Is it fair with them? They are happy here. They are over the grief of leaving friends behind. They are making new friends and they love the after school activities they're enrolled in. Most of all they love to be understood whenever they speak. They are thrilled with one thing we take for granted - they can communicate with everyone.


And there's the loneliness. It is not easy to find people with the same likes and interests and make friends. Plus, if i am sick, who will take care of the kids? If my husband gets sick who will take care of him?


Yes, we would all be together, I would have help to take care of the house, a driver, etc. But that's it. And I don't need the help to be happy. So I wonder: What is more important, to be together and unhappy or to put up with all the traveling and spend the time with have together happy?


And my husband loves Florida. We go to the beach every weekend, we enjoy our pool even during winter - most houses here have pools -, the school is good, the kids are making friends, we've been having lots of friends and family over. We've been spending a lot of quality time together here. And doing lots of outdoor activities too.


Some people are lucky and have adventurous relatives and friends who will travel abroad to visit them, but this is not our case. We had no guests in Brazil. But in Florida... We feel like we're running a B&B and we will soon have to start taking reservations from them not to overbook our house. And they are very open about the fact that they will come here but they won't go to Mexico City to visit us. And after all the time living abroad it's been great for the kids to reconnect with the family.


And almost a year has gone by. We have two more years to go. And then what? A new country? Maybe... Decisions... Decisions.... We need to think a lot now not to regret our decision later. I wish I had a crystal ball to predict our future.

Flying

We've been doing a lot of flying recently as you know. And is it just me or do you also think that the people flying just keep getting more and more rude?


Yes, I am the one who need to fly with the pets in cabin, but they are definitely better mannered then most people who have been flying these days. Flight attendants will agree with me.


Usually it starts before we even board the plane. There's always a few people trying to cut ahead of the line to board it. The airline attendant start calling by rows but no one listens, or care. And we have assigned seats! And children and handicapped people have priority at this time. Then first and business classes. Is it really that hard to figure this out?


Then, it is unbelievable the amount of carry-on people are bringing on-board these days. And on international flights the excuse that you have to pay to check-in the luggage doesn't fly. It is free. Everyone knows that planes have limited spaces but they don't seem to care. Some people even have the guts to cut the line and start putting their stuff on the first rows luggage compartments even tough they're flying all the way on the back. Aren't you supposed to have your bags with you? On your compartment? It scares me from a security point of view. Hello, FAA and flying marshals!!


The flight attendants many times won't stop this behavior, and I believe they should. I do feel bad for the flight attendants. I've seen people be so disrespectful and rude to them. In most of my flights they are very nice.


My suggestion is for the airline to have the people in-charge of boarding the plane making sure that the passengers check-in their baggages before they are allowed to board the plane. Easy. One carry-on is fine, but more is a big no, no.


And what have I been doing about it all? I am always one of the last people to board the plane. And I keep my purse with me. If the kids have a back-pack it also stays with us at our feet. We avoid the line, the aggravation and most importantly, stress. 

My Expats Friends in Europe

I have quite a few friends who relocated to Europe. The last ones, as you know, are moving from Ireland and Russia. We were just chatting about their last impressions and here is what they had to say:


Did they like it?


Yes, they both loved it! But let's go by countries:


Russia:
The school was amazing, the houses within their budget were nice and St. Petersburg is just beautiful. The cost of living is high but not too bad compared to other european countries. But the winters are long and very cold. Luckily the hats and coats are super stylish! The russian woman have a great taste and style.


Ireland:
They looked into public schools and thought they were very good. The schools used to be run by the catholic church and now the government is gaining control of them and some say the quality is improving. I spoke to some Irish friends who agree with this statement. There is absolutely no need to go to a private school. The houses were small and not very well equipped for american standards. But there are some good options, the budget will need to go up a bit tough. The cost of living is extremely high. Specially for clothes and shoes. 3 times more expensive then in the US. The country got hit pretty hard by the recession. But with our company willing to invest there one can only hope this will come to an end soon.


Over all they're both pretty happy. And so are their husbands and kids. Hopefully they will all be very happy there. I wish them the best!!

My Wonderful Children

It is not easy being our children. We just keep moving them around. Unintentionally, because of work, but we do. We are the ones who make the final decisions of whether or not to move. And where to. And when. They had no say for a while. Now they're older so we can ask their opinion and take it into consideration. And we do. Who do you think were the ones who chose the house we just bought?


I was just thinking about how many schools my son has study at. 4. Pre-school at private school in a state. Kindergarten at a public school in another. Then the Graded. And now the public one here in Florida. And I'm not even talking about day-care. My daughter started pre-school at the Graded so this is only her second school. But this is a lot considering how young they are.


My son lived in 5 different states and he lived twice in the one where he was born. He also lived in a foreign country. My daughter lived in 4 different states and in a foreign country. By the age of 7 they have moved around more then most people move their whole lives!


They're so used to flying they think it is a lie that some people have never been on planes before. They also have a hard time accepting the idea that some people have never seen snow. Or the sea. Or that most people can only speak one language. That there are kids on the streets asking for money because they're hungry. Or slums. In a way they think they've seen it all.  And so do I. But they don't have an attitude about it. They don't have a sense of entitlement. This is just the life they live. They know the company is paying for lots of our expenses and they also know that Dad has to work really hard for us to have a nice life. And they appreciate it. They're thankful for their lives.


They also like helping other kids. And being nice to them. They understand how hard it is to be the new kid around. They were so proud of themselves when my son was voted the most trustworthy person in his class and my daughter was voted the friendliest kid in hers. My husband and I couldn't be more proud of them. And we also hope that we are giving them skills to succeed in life. 


So relocating is part of their lives. And we think that it is having a very positive effect on them. It is making them not only accept differences, make them embrace it. And be adaptable. And good friends.


They also have an amazing bond. They are each other's best friend! They learned how to rely on each other during the difficult and lonely times that we go thru while relocating. But they are not the only ones. I've seen some expats siblings just like them. And I've seen some brats too. And kids who get depressed with all this pressure. But the vast majority is of kids just like mine.


Expat kids like them are called Third Culture Kids or TCK's and a lot has been written about them.  I encourage you to read about it. You'll have a better understanding of what the kids go thru and how you can help them go thru all the changes. My kids are wonderful TCK's. I adore them!

Animals in Japan

As most of you know I am an animal lover. You also know that I do not like to donate money to charities corporations. But I just watched a wonderful british lady who's in Japan helping the animals who were left behind.


I highly encourage you to take a look at her web-site. It is: http://jears.org/


You can also get the link on the CNN site: www.cnn.com/ac360


It is so sad that lots of people had to leave their pets behind. I feel really bad for all of them. And I wish there was more I could do.

Time Spent Apart

A big downside of the super commute: The time we spend apart. I feel it, Hubby feels it, the kids are definitely feeling it and even our pets are feeling the distance. And it's a lot more then just the distance. It's the everyday things we take for granted. Like having dinner together. Or breakfast. Or the nightly talk before we go to sleep. Sharing responsibility with homework. Disciplining the kids. Do you have any idea how it feels to  be the only "bad guy" during the week having to say no to the kids? I think this is the worse part. And yes, I've been overcompensating with gifts. I can't be the "bad guy" all the time, right? 

We've been really good at keeping in touch. There's always  the "good morning" and "good night" call. Then during the day we talk about the problems that come up. We've been talking about all the problems as they appear and over the phone. We think this works out the best for us because when we're together we concentrate on having fun and enjoying each other's company. We didn't plan it this way, it just started to happen and when we realized we decided to stick with it. Problem free weekends!

And as a long distance wife I think this is a very good rule. My husband comes home to enjoy family life! And for me to enjoy his company too! The time we spend together needs to be quality time. He has to enjoy coming back home. I need to make his weekend home his only home. The week place is his flat. Never home. The day he starts seeing the flat as home I'll know there is a problem. And let's be honest, this "problems" are usually women. So I see as my duty not to leave any room for this to happen. Because I know there are women are out there looking for men like him. And I know he feels the same way. He also fears that there will be another men ready to take his place. But we're not looking for it. We have lots of respect for each other and our kids. And we love each other. And I really don't want to waist my time thinking about it. It is counter productive. 


But now I do have a better understanding of why so many couples that go thru relocations or choose the super commute get a divorce. Or strengthen their bond. We can't turn the geographical distance into relationship distance. We need to make ourselves very present in one another's life, but this is a 2 way street.  Both husband and wife need to be committed to make this happen. So as soon as you see a gap growing between you, plan a date night and bring the subject up without pressure. Ask what's going on. Maybe it's just stress from work, maybe it's just the adjustment of living alone, but whatever it is, don't leave any room for this gap to grow.

We make the best of our weekends. We go to the beach together, we go out for lunches, dates, family movie nights, we have barbecues by the pool... And he also take the kids out for breakfast either Saturday or Sunday, so I can take a break from them and get a much needed rest. And husband and kids spend quality time together  too. It is very important for them to spend time away from me too.

I hasn't been easy, by any means, but it's working out better then I expected. I am actually very surprised to see how I've matured during this time. I still want to have the whole family living under the same roof as soon as possible, but if, for the kids education's sake, we have to endure this situation for a couple of years I think it will be fine. We are very happy with the school here. So my biggest fear, the super commute, is not that bad after all.  

Traveling Nearby

When we live in big cities like Mexico City and Sao Paulo we NEED a weekend getaway. And I do mean need. We feel like getting away from the traffic, pollution, dust, noise, etc... So where can we go that's within driving distance?


Let's start with Sao Paulo. "Paulistas" have many different options. There are the mountains, the beach and small cities nearby. What stops people from enjoying it often? The price. Hotels are very expensive. They only take packages reservations for the weekends. You'll have to pay for at least 2 nights no matter what. And during holiday weekends it gets to be ridiculous expensive. A cheaper alternative are the "pousadas". They are the brazilian equivalent to a Bed & Breakfast, but many times their restaurants will serve all meals and snacks. Many hotels and "pousadas" there will offer recreation for the kids.  The places we liked to go near Sao Paulo are:
* Campos Do Jordao: Popular destination during the winter in Sao Paulo. It is known as "the brazilian Switzerland".  During the season parking there can be a nightmare. But it is a charming city.
* Monte Verde: They have some hotel-fazenda "ranch hotels" with horseback rides, waterfalls and great food. It's very cozy.
* Juquehy: Nice beach destination. It is exactly what one can expect of a beach in Brazil. Caipirinhas being offered at the sand and all. The sea is calm and safe for the kids to play in.
* Riviera de Sao Lourenco: It is a mini Sao Paulo by the beach. The sand is not white. Lots of foreigners and Paulistas like this place. I don't. Your judgment.
* Guaruja: Another popular beach. This one does have nice beaches but it is significantly more crowded than Juquehy. It is also much closer from Sao Paulo.
* Sao Roque: Small town, very close to Sao Paulo with a great hotel.
*Ibiuna: It's by a lake in a small town. Lots of people have a second home there. It's very cozy.


If you're in Rio the popular destinations are Angra dos Reis, Paraty and Buzios at the beach and Petropolis, Itaipava and Terezopolis in the Mountains. The Casa do Toca Pizzaria in Terezopolis has the best pizza and antipasti I've ever ate.


We used to go to a small beach near Juquehy. It is still a very undeveloped place and this is why we love it so much. We rented a house over there. It was the best thing we've done.


The only place we've been to near Mexico City is Avandaro or Valle de Bravo. It has a huge lake and it is very pretty. We stayed at the Hotel Avandaro Golf and Spa. The price was cheap compared to Brazil but the hotel room was old and not very nice. But it was totally worth the trip.


I know Acapulco is 5 hours away. I've heard that the road to get there is not that good. But I can't wait to find out if it's true or not. I really want to visit Acapulco.


Does anyone have any suggestion for our next trip? Need to be within driving distance.

More Friends Relocating

As I've mentioned before, once you enter the relocation wagon it is hard to leave it. I just heard from 2 friends today, and they will be relocating again in June. Good job offers! One is going to Ireland and the other one to Russia.  They're excited about it and also a bit apprehensive.


It is funny but I know less about Ireland then I do about Russia. I am not talking about stereotypes. One thing I know is that it's a beautiful country. But that's it. And Russia:  St. Petersburg, the Bolshoi and Kirov ballets, the architecture and the colors. And the only two words I know in Russian - "Da" and "Niet" - yes and no.  I do know a couple of curse words, but I can't spell them. I also know that the american school there is very good and that it is freezing cold. Much colder than Ireland.


My friends are going on their "look-and-see" next week. They both wanted to come back home and they want this to be their last international assignment. So besides the working on the new job, their husbands are going to have to start working on their career plan to bring the families back soon. Two big tasks. Lots of pressure. But they can handle it.


They just started planning a trip here for winter and I am planning my trip there next summer. I can't wait to see what Ireland is all about and watch the Bolshoi and Kirov again. 


I wish them all the best!

Costumer Service Comparison

It's funny, but one of the first things we complain about when we move to Latin America is the poor costumer service. But I keep on wondering: What happened to costumer service in the U.S.??


First it was Comcast. Then it was the alarm company and the propane company not showing up at the scheduled time. And now it is the freaking sleep number bed! We just bought one and it came without the remote control. Yes, what was I thinking when I bought a bed that need a remote control in the first place, right? Then, after a week, they shipped the wrong remote control. And now, it will take at least another week until I get the remote. And they don't accept returns! What a nightmare! Funny thing is that there was another couple at the store complaining they only received half their bed when the crew came to deliver it. And what do you do with half a bed?? We thought it was very expensive, but we figured it would be a good thing to have a nice new bed to sleep on for the next 10/15 years. Huge mistake!


When we move to another country we expect that the costumer service won't be as good as in the US. True, the costumer service in Mexico has been bad. People are always late or missing appointments, but you know it is part of the culture. In Brazil it was a little bit better, but not that much. But here in the US? I did not expect it when I came back. And it's been one thing after another. They are making the brazilian costumer service look good, and trust me, this is not an easy task, as some of the people living in Brazil can confirm. And I never taught I would say such a thing.


So what happened here? Is it only with me? Murphy's law? Effect from the recession? I think this is one case where the grass really is greener on the other side. Why can't the companies just get their act together? When you're selling a product or a service you're expected to know what you're doing. Specially when you're charging big bucks for it.


 So friends living abroad, rejoice! It can't be this bad...

Comparing the Schools

I've been back for a few months and I think now I am ready to make a comparison between the 3 schools I've been talking about the most: The American School Foundation (ASF) in Mexico City, The Graded School ( Graded) in Sao Paulo, and my kids school here in Florida. The reason why I am not talking about Westhill is that I don't know of any expats with kids there and there were no kids from Westhill attending the Graded until the time that I left the school nor attending the school here in Florida. So I feel like I can only express my opinion on the schools above. I also have 2 friends whose children attended ASF help me with this post so I don't mislead anyone. Once again, this is only my opinion, based on my personal experience and my friends experiences. 

So here we go. Which one is the best? If we're just talking academics, there is no doubt, the school in Florida is the best one by far! They are easily, at least one year ahead of the Graded. And the Graded is ahead of ASF by far too. Athletics? ASF is number one. They do have a very strong athletic program, followed by the Graded and then school in Florida. For whatever reason the school in Florida does not have a strong athletic program. And the Graded program is ok. They substituted a bad teacher with another at the lower school and their after school athletic program is really bad, but the kids are exposed to lots of different sports. Arts? Now this is where the Graded excels. The music teachers are amazing! To hear the children there singing  is unbelievable! They sound great! And the art work the kids bring home is also really good. They have a state of the art Art Center. And the kids learn how to draw, paint and sculpt at an early age. Creativity is highly encouraged. During middle and high school they start with drama, video, photography and design classes.  There is a tie for number 2: ASF and the school in Florida. They both have very good programs, but they're not the Graded. Diversity? Tied for the first place: Graded and the school in Florida. Well, it is Florida, so the population is very diverse. Same with the Graded. Both schools have kids from all over the world. ASF has mostly mexican kids. Both my american friend and my mexican friend feel like there is a separation between the majority of mexicans and the minority of foreigners at ASF. For some reason the groups don't mix much. Bullying? Number one: School in Florida. Hands down. They have a strong anti-bullying policy and they enforce it. Number 2: Graded. They still overlook the atrocities some teachers do - like yelling and disrespecting children, but they are changing - kudos to the new Superintendent and Lower School Co-Principal. They started a new anti-bullying policy and the new co-principal of the lower school is enforcing it. Even with the teachers. He fired at least one already.  Number 3: ASF. They don't have a bullying policy in place as of today. So when things happen you don't know what the outcome will be. According to my friends it depends on the kids and teachers involved. Some kids and teachers are more equal than others. We really hope this changes by next year.

So overall, what is my opinion? I would put the school in Florida as number one. Not only it is the best one academically and with the anti-bullying issue but it also has other good things to offer, in spite of what you'll read bellow. Number 2 is the Graded. What it lacks in academic it has on art and in making our kids global citizens. It does teach them non-academic important skills. Graded is also a fully accredited international school, it is on the top 5 list. Number 3 is ASF due to poor academics and falling short on other categories. Maybe this is also the reason why they are not fully accredited. I don't know.


My side note here is about teachers here in Florida. I still don't understand why the teachers at the school here are so serious. My kids call them angry. And angry is how I call the administration at the school here. Luckily my kids are very nice and don't get in trouble often but the teachers here are always yelling at kids telling them not to run, not to yell (hello! what kind of example are you setting?). I rarely see them smiling at school and the kids notice it too. They asked me about it. Most teachers and administration have been at this school for years. The Graded had the same issues with its older teachers. They all seem to have a sense of entitlement. They seem to think that they can do no wrong and even if they do they know that nothing will happen. Besides my first year at the Graded when my kids had the worse teachers in the world, my kids were fortunate enough to get awesome teachers. They would smile all the time, the were very kind and loving. And the kids had a great deal of respect for them. Here my son has a great teacher but my daughter's teacher is not that good - the never smile, angry type. Apparently she used to be a good 4th Grade teacher and switched to a different grade that she is not too fond of. She'll be switching again next year. The kids will be better off.  ASF also has its share of bad teachers. Unfortunately, bad teachers happen everywhere, my problem is the administration enabling this behavior on them. They should be fired. I can't wait for the day when schools are not only going to enforce discipline but also take advantage of positive reinforcement. Praising the kids goes a long way. 


I also believe that the reason why the Graded is academically behind is because it would be unfair with the kids who come from all over the world to have a strong academic curriculum. Every year there are kids from several different countries, who can't speak english, joining the school. Or kids who can speak a little bit of english but can't read or write in english. How would they be able to accommodate this kids if the academics were strong? It would be extremely hard on these kids. I've seen in my kids class, kids from Japan, Korea and all over Latin America that join the school without speaking a word of english and in 6 months are speaking as natives. But I mean speaking, because when it comes to writing and spelling... But they are catering to the international community and I need to give them credit for it. There is also a great deal of stress on the kids during the relocation's first months. The Graded sees it. On the plus side, as the kids reach high school the standards are higher and the kids have access to the best universities in the world.


Just to put this whole academic talk in perspective, I considered the schools perform on the National Ranking. The school in Florida is on the 90%. Graded is on the 70%. I could not find the data about ASF, but my friends told me they were told, last year while their kids were attending that they were on the 60%.


So am I happy with the school here? Yes, I am. Would I go back to the Graded? Yes, I would. Would I still consider ASF? No, not at this moment. But if they get their full accreditation I will. I really hope someday all the international schools will have high standards and cater to the growing global community so no matter where we go we will be able to provide the best education to our children.

P.S. Some people are not happy about me saying that ASF is not fully accredited. But they are not and here is the proof. Here is the link to the AdvancED page stating their accreditation status. AdvancED is linked to the Southern Association of Schools and Colleges and they accredit schools worldwide.

http://www.advanc-ed.org/oasis2/u/par/accreditation/summary?institutionId=12526

And here is proof the Graded is fully accredited:

http://www.advanc-ed.org/oasis2/u/par/accreditation/summary?institutionId=31959

Just so you can see the difference.