Learning disabilities and Expats

If you are one of my readers you probably noticed all the mistakes I make when I'm writing. There's a reason for it. It's called dyslexia. I am dyslexic. I can't tell left from right, forget about north, south east and west. When I read I skip the articles and most of the times, if one of the sentences doesn't make sense I have to read it again to understand it. Welcome to the dyslexic life.


Dyslexia is only one among lots of other learning disabilities, and when I was young it was one of the few that had a name. Now we have lots of different spectrum of autism, of ADHD and other disabilities.


I was diagnosed because my uncle is a pediatric neurologist. And back then, I'm talking about 30 years ago, there was not much of a treatment, so I was my uncle's guinea pig.  At the same time of my diagnostic, my mom have had a brain aneurism. After 32 days in coma, she woke up with very limited memory. So my uncle made us play the memory game together all the time. I can't tell you to turn left or right if we're driving together, but I have a great sense of direction because I can memorize where things are. And this good memory is what got me thru high school and law school. Dyslexic people can learn everything other people learn, only in a different way.


Why am I telling you all this? It is because if you're moving overseas with a child with learning disabilities you need to learn how and where to get help. We can overcome our issues, but we need help and understanding.


If you're in Sao Paulo, Albert Einstein Hospital has a great diagnostic center to help you find out exactly what the problem is. The Graded School is very good for kids with disabilities. Any kind of disability - learning or physical. They have an Optimal Learning Center to help children with learning issues - reading, math. The OLC has improved on the past couple of years. There's also help outside the school. You can work with Dr. Wendy Smith. She has a PHD in Education and applies different methods on the treatments of kids, usually it starts with an intervention. She's amazing! She's not cheap, but her work is worth every penny. You will see a quick improvement on your child's learning within a couple of weeks. 


I still haven't explored much of this issue in Mexico. I know ASF has a Service for Academic Success -SAS - but from what I know they prefer holding the kids back a year rather than working with the learning disabilities. This would never be an option to me, given that their curriculum is already behind the curriculum of schools in the US. When I asked questions about SAS they told me that they don't have enough teachers there to care for all the children in need. Plus they charge parents extra for this service. At the Graded it is free. One of my husband's co-workers has a child with ADHD enrolled at ASF. I know he is extremely frustrated with the school. So frustrated he decided to move back to the US. He doesn't feel like the school was being fair to them and to their child. It was not giving them enough support to find a solution. What they were proposing was for them to pay an aid to stay with the child during the school hours. The child is already enrolled on SAS. This child is still in one of the early kindergarten years. It is not the kind of support I would expect from an american school overseas. ASF also refused to give a spot to another expat whose child has dyslexia. Maybe this is one of the reasons why they're not fully accredited - but who knows? They won't tell the real reason. I would love to know the real reason. 


As you can tell, this cause is dear to my heart. 


Just wanted to give you something to consider...

Being an Expat Husband

Well, talk about a difficult situation. It is not easy to be the wife of an expat but it is even harder to be the husband of an expat. I have a good friend in this situation and I know how things changed for him.


First it was the decision to give up advancing his career for an undetermined period of time to advance his wife's. They worked for the same company, in different departments, but the company could not find him a job overseas. Not only he had to give up his career, he also had to give up his role as bread-earner. It is harder than it seems to make a decision like this. The first difficult decision lead him to become a stay at home dad. 


This leads us to the second difficult decision, which was to become a hands on dad. It was a huge change for him, going from being the fun dad to becoming the disciplinary one. He had to learn how to organize the children's lives and routines. Not an easy task. And adding to this, take care of the house. And be the driver. Do the grocery shopping. Schedule play dates. This list goes on and on.


The third difficulty was to make friends. The easiest place to make friends is at the kids school, but if you're the only guy hanging out there it is not easy. Lots of people will look down on you and wonder what kind of man you are. There were so many people asking questions about my friend, that it was ridiculous. People were easy to judge without knowing the whole story. They assumed he was a sugar daddy, which couldn't be further from the truth. People assumed lots of other things. It took a year for people to understand what was going on and embrace the situation.


The fourth challenge was to start making friends with other woman. Your wife can, may, will get jealous. And so will the friends' husbands. It did not happen in our case because we were part of a big group. Six couples, to be precise. The great thing about our group was that all the husbands and all the wives were friends. And so were the kids. And since we were so close we all knew that there was nothing going on, that some lines would not -and did not - get crossed. This was key. But it is so hard to happen this way.


My husband says he would love for me to get an expat job so he could be a stay at home dad. He says it would be a great thing to take a sabbatical. We have another friend who thinks it is emasculating. I, personally, think it is very empowering to a man. Giving up control is no easy task, specially for men. So I think it takes a man with a great personality to do it. Kudos to all the guys out there in this situation. I have a great deal of respect for you.

Enjoying Mexico City

I have to admit that now, that I don't have the pressure of moving to Mexico City and find a school for the kids, I am enjoying Mexico City a lot!


We just spent a couple of weeks there and had a great time. Yes, as you can tell the internet there is still a problem. The management from the flat "fixed" the problem and now we do have internet connection. In the bathroom. Only in the bathroom! My husband is trying to work on it and buy a router or something that he can plug a USB cable in so next time I'm there I'll have internet connection in the rest of our 1 bedroom flat. But it's ok. Knowing that I can come home and not have to deal with it on a daily basis makes me happy and able to enjoy my time there.


I took the kids to the Chapultepec park and we had a great time. Ciudad de los Ninos is also a big hit. A few day trips to the ruins and to a friend's house. We visited the Virgen de Guadalupe Church. We had the best time! And the food... Now that my husband knows the city a little bit better, he took us to some good local restaurants for real mexican food. My new favorite restaurant is Villa Maria, in Polancos. Not only the food is great but the margaritas are out of this world. It is close to our flat, so I can walk there, and the atmosphere is nice. Some days they even have the mariachis playing. And the staff is so nice to the kids! 


I am still avoiding to drive in Mexico City as much as I can. And so is my husband. Polancos is working out for us. We only have to drive to go to the supermarket or the mall, and we have a driver to take us there. For everything else we walk. The driver doesn't really like it, but hey...


I think I can live this crazy life for another year. It's not easy, but now I am feeling like I'm getting the best of both worlds.  Then we'll see what will happen next!

My Decision is Made

After spending some more time in Mexico on vacation and visiting the schools again I made up my mind and made a decision.


It wasn't an easy decision. We meet with some parents who have kids in both schools and we talked to the admissions people. Lots of questions were answered, some were not and we weren't too convinced by some of the answers.


I brought the school work my kids are doing here and compared with what's being done there. They are waaaaay behind what's being taught at the kids current school. And I mean way behind. Ok, in math they are just behind, but reading and spelling... Wow! It is scary.


Yes, I know it is only elementary school. Yes, I know they will be learning another language. An yes, I know they will be focusing on some other skills that the schools in the US won't focus on. But still. We will have to come back. And learning how to read and write properly at this age will help them out a lot.


I, myself, am a product of international schools. And if you've read a few posts you can tell that my writing is not the best. So maybe I am trying to compensate.  Who knows?


As you can see, we decided to keep doing the super commute. And if the schools were not enough reason the fact that my husband doesn't have a proper internet connection since March / April added a little bit to it. I even joked with the people from the flat saying that if they can't fix it "ahorita" they need to get it fixed within 2 weeks because this is when I am going back. We'll see.


And the icing on the cake is that we're living in Florida. Yes, it is hot as hell in here now. And the humidity is just awful. But we have the beach. And the pool. And no pollution. The traffic is not that bad either. The flights don't bother us. And our neighbor loves our pets and take my dog to his home and comes to see the cats everyday when we leave on the weekends.


And honestly, I am enjoying Mexico so much more as a tourist then I think I would as a resident. And so are the kids. We still have two more years of this craziness. Then we will likely have to move elsewhere.   So let me enjoy being back to the US while I can.

The Airports

Leaving Sao Paulo was not easy, we did have our share of problems at the airport regarding the documents, but most of the times we travel back and forth from Brazil we had no problems at the airport. Our bags would be out in a timely manner and at immigration they did not care about us bringing cereal and maple syrup. Sometimes the immigration lines would be big, but it moved. And you don't have to pay to use the carts there. It wasn't that bad. But how does the other airports compare?


We travelled a lot throughout the US and Miami International Airport can't hold a candle to most airports we've been to. The Sao Paulo airport is not as modern Miami International, and it says a lot. And the airport in Mexico City is even less modern then both airports.


If you have luggage, landing in Mexico City is a nightmare. You'll have to wait for about an hour in front of the conveyor belt for your suitcase. And this is why: taking the bags out of the plane is a big operation. The police has to escort the suitcases. Once the plane lands the police has to go to it and wait for the bags to unload. Then they escort the luggage to the baggage claim where the dogs have to sniff them for drugs. After all this they will start loading the conveyor belts and you can go. The problem is that they don't have that many police cars, police officers or dogs. It is a nightmare. The best thing is to just have a carry-on and avoid all this trouble. So don't forget to pack lots of patience next time you travel.

How and Where to Make Friends

I was talking to a recently divorced friend and this subject came up. It is easy for us, moms, to make friends. We have play dates, school,  kids activities... It all leads us to other moms in the same situation then us, so we have a bond. But what if you're following your spouse? What if you don't have a job and you don't have kids?


It is a lot more difficult! You'll be lonely most of the time in the beginning. You won't have an instant bond with a group of peers that can speak your language. You can meet some people at the gym or in your neighborhood, but in my experience it is a lot harder to go thru a relocation as a couple then it is as a family.


Most of the time the locals already have their families and friends. In latin countries there will be the "nice to meet you, I'll call you", but they never call. It is not that they don't intend to or they don't like you, it is just that they're busy. It's not personal.  Go ahead and call them yourself. Make an effort to make new friends. Invite people over for diner or to go out for lunch.


You can get involved in volunteer work, newcomers clubs, join a gym, take some classes. But do something. Try to interact. Avoid being lonely. Don't get depressed. Tag along with the moms. And moms, make sure to include your new friends without kids on your activities. Invite them over for lunch. Or to go to a happy hour if you have a babysitter.


And go out with your spouse. Take nice trips, go to bars and nightclubs. Enjoy yourself. Find out where the cool places are and go there. You will end up meeting some interesting people. Go to the best hairstylist in town, they'll let you know where the best spots are. It will be money well spent. Enjoy life without kids. You won't regret it!

My Son's Idea of a Birthday Celebration

My son just turned 10. We were talking about organizing his birthday party when he asked me:


- "Mom, can I have a barbecue with brigadeiro cake and a pinata?"


Gotta love this Third Culture Kids!! 

Traffic and the Cities

This week I have a couple of great friends from New Zealand visiting. They are moving back home  after their term in Brazil. As we were driving around we couldn't help and compare the traffic between here, Sao Paulo, Mexico City and Auckland. And what a difference. Where would you guess the best place to drive is?


According to my friends, and I have to agree, Florida is the best place to drive. Let's start with  number of lanes on the roads and the way the roads were planned. Only in America. In Auckland as here in Florida, the roads are well kept. No potholes. In Auckland, if they had craters the same size of the ones they have in Mexico City and Sao Paulo people would sue the government and win. There are some aggressive drivers there. The reason is that people are not used to heavy traffic and not tolerant of people causing it. In Florida there's the occasional person trying to cut the lane, but not that many. So Auckland comes in number two.


Now it is very hard to make a call for number 3 and 4, so I have to call it a tie. On one side we have small motorcycles everywhere who thing they own the roads and aggressive drivers. But if you put your blinkers on people will let you turn or switch lanes. This is Sao Paulo For you. In Mexico you have aggressive driver who will be fighting you tooth and nail all the time and who disregard every traffic rule there is.   


We even brought New York in the conversation. I must admit that New York traffic is mild compared to Mexico City and Sao Paulo. And I think this pretty much rest my case. I would love to know your opinion on this matter.

New Lives

We rented our apartment to a nice american family. This will be their first relocation and they're really excited about the move. But for some reason I can not stop bugging them. I e-mail her everyday with a list of things she should put on her container. Some times I can't help but wonder: When is she going to tell me to stop?


The list is long. It goes from baby diapers and tampons all the way up to food. Then I have a list of doctors and dentists. A good, reliable driver. Restaurants nearby. The pizza delivery place. Hairstylist. Manicure.... The list is long.


I also sent her the phone number of a few friends who live in the same gated community who can help her out.


In a way I feel like I am giving her all the information I wish I had before I moved. Things that can make her life easier. And friends she can rely on. All expats, who understand what she'll be going thru.


As for me, I am having a hard time making friends. I have been very reclusive. And usually I am very outgoing. One of my friends told me that it is because I am not over having had to say goodbye to most of my friends. And I think she's right. On top of that there's the perspective of a new assignment. So why bother make new friends if I am going to have to say goodbye to them soon, right? I've been staying in touch with my old friends though. We had a few friends visiting us already and starting Sunday I'll have guests every week until the end of July. The kids couldn't be more excited. I'll have my work cut out for me and I'll have to take daily trips to the mall, but I am very happy. And hopefully, by the time they leave I'll be ready to make some new friends. I need to change my mind set and realize that with the new friends, just like with the old ones it won't be goodbye, it will be an "auf wiedersehen".

Settling Down

Things are not as hectic as they used to be. There's a lot less to worry about. A few things still don't work in Mexico, like the internet, but we're learning to adapt. So today I was thinking about the whole process and how it started about a year ago.  It seems to me like everything that could go wrong on this move did go wrong. But it was great!  Why? Because I started this blog.


The reason why I started to write about all I've been thru is to help people avoid making the same mistakes I made. To help people have a smooth transition. I did not have it easy this time. And here  I could vent.  I can talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. There were lots of good things coming out of this move and there were some very frustrating times too. Good and bad experiences. In the end I was actually hoping for things to go wrong so I could learn the ins and outs and post on the blog. But, boy, I am relieved things are under control now. At least for now...